Sometimes a trip or special date can bring back the energy and romance of a relationship. Yet, it’s the totality of your communication, tone of voice, and words that cause a relationship to become fulfilling or miserable.

If 80% of your communication is neutral or positive, that is, appreciative or respectful, then your relationship is likely to be fulfilling in the long-term*. If, however, more than 20% of your communication is disrespectful, hostile, or withdrawing, then your relationship is likely to deteriorate over the long-term.

Respectful communication does not mean becoming a yes-man or yes-woman. It simply means treating another person as worthwhile. You can do this without discarding your important values, desires, and opinions. You can respectfully disagree. You can decide to do your own thing without demeaning the other person. Respect and love for another person does not contradict self-respect.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Respect each other: ‘He’s always talking down to me.’”

Read “Positive Bonding Patterns: ‘We never fight, but we don’t talk anymore and there’s no more passion.’”

*Read John Gottman’s “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.”