Tag Archives: self-empowerment

Road Rage: “That blankety-blank cut me off! I’ll show him!!”

Posted on by
2

"Formula Farley" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

What does the way you drive say about you?

Are you a considerate driver who’ll let another driver cut in if she’s in the wrong lane? Or are you an impatient driver who tails other cars, gets angry, and swears when people cut you off or drive too slowly? Your driving could say something about your own shadow, that is, the part of you that has not been developed.

Two types of people typically feel aggressive behind the wheel. The first is someone who has trouble with simply being, always feeling impatient to get something done. This type feels a lot of pressure to get where he or she is going and to accomplish goals set.

The second is someone who hasn’t developed much personal power. When your self-empowerment lies in the shadow, it erupts in aggressive, inappropriate, or unattractive ways. When you’re in a car, you feel anonymous, and can become more aggressive without being concerned about what someone you know might think.

What can you do if you are one of these kinds of driver?

If you have trouble relaxing when you’re not productive, work on simply relaxing into the moment. Breathe deeply, listen to music, or plan an event. Replace futile thoughts such as “Look at this horrible traffic; I’m so late!” with more productive or calming thoughts, such as, “There’s nothing I can do about this now. I might as well relax/call my sister/mentally reorganize my life-goals. In a year, I won’t even remember being late. So why waste time wallowing in anxiety?”

If you are type that feels powerless in most situations in life, find ways to develop self-empowerment in situations where you are not behind the wheel. Notice when you feel meek and compliant, or when you are repressing your opinions. Try to speak up and integrate personal power in a calm and moderate way. If you develop more personal authority in your everyday face-to-face interaction with people, maybe you won’t feed the inner aggression that is waiting to explode when you get behind the wheel.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Watch “Expressing your Anger Effectively.”

Resentment Part 4:
“I do it all and get no recognition.”
Ten Ways to eliminate resentment through self-empowerment.

Posted on by
4

"Annika" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

Research shows that putting intentions in writing helps a person achieve his or her goals. So the most effective way to improve your responses to hot button moments is to personalize the following ideas that are most relevant to you and write down how you plan to respond in the future.

Speaking up:

1. Speak up when you think you should. People who have personal power are willing to express their ideas and opinions. They also respect and listen to others.

2. Act responsibly and hold others accountable for their actions.

3. Don’t take it personally or act embarrassed if anyone belittles you. People who belittle others often feel inadequate themselves. Say something about it when it’s appropriate. They’ll feel better about themselves if they can’t get away with it.

4. Think about what you need and ask for it—it’s better than complaining.

5. Take courage by focusing on what you have to GAIN in a situation rather than on what you have to LOSE.

Helpfulness and Appreciation:

1. Don’t agree to do things for people who take advantage of you. Just say you don’t have the time.

2. Seek collaboration rather than doing everything yourself. It’s much better to say, “Can you help me with this,” with an UPBEAT attitude than to feel bitter about doing it all yourself.

3. Focus on helping those who appreciate you, and stop trying to get the attention of those who reject or ignore you.

4. Ask for appreciation in a positive way. For instance, “Isn’t this a great dinner I made?”

5. Limit or end a relationship if you are the only one making the effort.

If you plan ahead how to respond with personal authority, it will become easier to avoid situations that give rise to resentment. It will also enable you to forgive past resentments and to stop holding grudges.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “People are always criticizing me.”

Getting off the phone:
“I can never get off the phone with certain people who seem to talk forever.”

Posted on by
8

"Over the Top" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

It can be hard to get off the phone with big talkers because you don’t want to hurt their feelings and you don’t want to interrupt. While you don’t have to hurt their feelings, you might have to interrupt. If you’re not using caller ID and you get hooked in, simply break into the conversation and say, “Let’s talk when I’m off work.” Or, “Can we talk on Tuesday?” Or, “I’d love to talk to you after finishing this project/feeding the kids/tomorrow/OR…maybe in three years.”

When you’re able to get off the phone quickly, easily and politely, then you won’t dread it when you hear the phone ring. If some people still don’t understand that you have different priorities and that your time is valuable, then you can’t worry too much about possibly offending them. They need to get the message that you are not available for ongoing venting and chit chat.

If you get hooked in on a repeated basis, you’re sending the message that you are available as an auditory receptacle. Simply interject, “I’m sorry, but I’ve got a lot of work to do. Take care. Have a great day.” CLICK.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Setting Boundaries.”