“Concentration—Jack Nicklaus” © by Mimi Stuart
In ten minutes, you can organize one drawer, go through one box of stuff you’ve been storing, make one difficult phone call or walk around the block.
Disarray muddles the mind. Your untidiness may be
• Physical — in a jumble of boxes in the garage,
• Mental — in pressures that need to be dealt with, or
• Emotional — dreaded obligations that need to be addressed.
“Mr. Hole-in-One” Kevin Sorbo by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire
When you dread confronting a difficult situation, such as telling your partner you’ve spent too much money, the sooner you face up to it, the better. For some people though, avoidance behavior contributes further to putting off the unpleasant task. Avoidance behavior includes distraction, escape behavior, procrastination and safety behavior.
Types of Avoidance Behavior
1. Distraction involves busying yourself and your mind with activities or thoughts to avoid confronting a problem — making phone calls, eating, shopping, and social media — basically twittering away your time.
2. Escape behavior consists of contriving a way to physically avoid an anxiety-provoking situation, such as faking an illness. Continue reading
“Tournament of Champions, Kapalua” Steve Stricker
by Mimi Stuart © Live the Life you Desire
“No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking.”
~Voltaire
Once in while you will luck out and a problem will resolve itself on its own. Usually, however, running from a problem causes it to mutiply into a large number of troubles.
Why run from problems?
Why do people dread handling problems? They may want to avoid disappointing others; they may shudder at the idea of changing their lives; they may recoil from admitting that past choices have not turned out as expected. Ultimately, it is anxiety and fear that prevent us from confronting our problems.
Tension intensifies
It is not easy to face problems head on. Yet, the longer we wait, the greater the anxiety and fear of confronting the problem becomes. It is astonishing how the angst of avoiding difficulties will intensify with inaction, becoming worse than the original anxiety itself.
How we confront difficulties defines us
Heartache, hurt, and hurdles are part of life. No one handles all challenges with ease and grace. Yet, it is our struggle with those very challenges that chisels our character. In grappling with dilemmas, we discover what is meaningful to us. Through difficult discussions and decisions, we fashion our own identity.
Facing our problem does not equal making snap decisions
Facing problems does not always require rushing to action or making quick decisions. Some dilemmas need time to resolve appropriately. There is a key difference between black-and-white problem solving—either making a snap decision or avoiding the problem—and making a wise decision. When we avoid black-and-white thinking, we learn to view the world in its many shades and colors. Sometimes we need to take time to consider the various complexities of a particular circumstance to figure out what to do.
When we face problems with seriousness, openness and courage, we are no longer a slave to the dread that debilitates us. By acknowledging the past but not dwelling on it, we become capable of changing ourselves and our lives. By facing difficulties, we open up the realm of new possibilities. By completing unfinished business, accepting and forgiving ourselves and others, we experience great relief and freedom to move on.
“No man is free who is not master of himself.”
~Epictetus
by Alison Poulsen, PhD
"Long Drive" — Jim Furyk by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire
Procrastination makes easy things hard, hard things harder.
~Mason Cooley
People who procrastinate put off things because they hope to avoid the stress in dealing with them. However, procrastination is really a form of self-sabotage, actually increasing a person’s stress level and making most problems worse.
If you don’t deal with a late bill, the charges go up and your credit rating goes down, creating more stress. If you don’t talk to your partner or child about their behavior toward you, their behavior becomes ingrained and communication becomes more difficult, creating more stress. If you don’t start a work project, the pressure to get it done mounts, and other activities get tainted by stress.
Life is full of surprises and challenges. By facing such challenges head on, we adapt, grow, and learn to manage life without exacerbating the stress. If you stop running from your problems and face them sraight on, starting with the biggest one first, the relief you will feel will be liberating and life altering.
Rather than letting the fear of pain and frustration cause you to avoid life and its challenges, you can examine that fear to make better decisions. Instead of thinking, “Oh no, how can I avoid this miserable problem?” you can ask yourself, “What added pain and frustration will I have to suffer if I put it off?” No one likes undue stress; however, it is much easier to endure when we realize that we are minimizing long-term pain and suffering and maximizing long-term peace of mind.
Making a list of the steps you need to take is a good way to start. Then you just have to take that first step and face a problem head on. That’s usually the hardest part. If you just start the project, the momentum builds and usually takes care of the rest.
Of course there are appropriate times to procrastinate. On some occasions it’s wise to mull problems over for a day or two. Moreover, if a truly exceptional situation comes up, it can be worthwhile to wait until tomorrow and then to stop procrastinating.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD
Read “Avoidance Behavior: ‘I’ve been dreading telling her about our financial problems.’”
Read “Stress: ‘I’m so stressed out. I don’t know if I can handle a promotion.’”
"Inspiration" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire
Why wait for inspiration? It may never come. In any event, it comes more often to people who work hard. Such people also don’t count on inspiration, not wanting to be at the whim of such an elusive phenomenon.
In “The Angel’s Game,” the writer David Martin says this about waiting for inspiration:
Inspiration comes when you stick your elbows on the table and your bottom on the chair and start sweating. Choose a theme, an idea, and squeeze your brain until it hurts. That’s called inspiration.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD