Tag Archives: overwhelmed

Fear: “I hate feeling so much fear. How can I get rid of it?”

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"On the Edge" -- Theo Fleury by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

Fear is an emotional response that alerts you to potential danger like a car’s warning light. Without a warning, you could get into a lot of trouble.

On the other hand, if that warning light is as loud as one of those security alarm systems, which screech at you “INTRUDER! INTRUDER!” it will scare the day lights out of you. Being overcome by fear can cause mental paralysis and panic, and it will make it difficult to deal with situations rationally. As a result, the warning grows louder and the fear compounds.

It’s more effective to treat fear as an indicator telling you to be alert and look at your situation with an eye toward short and long-term consequences.

Obviously, if the danger is a life and death matter like a child falling into the road then you must act quickly in defense of the child. But in most cases we can take time to resolve things that we fear.

First, with a pen in hand and the serenity prayer* in mind, be creative and imagine various potential actions you could take. Second, look rationally at your priorities and carefully weigh the pros and cons. Third, figure out and take the appropriate first step.

Once you start creatively listing potential actions and thoughtfully analyzing those choices, you have engaged other parts of your mind. This will help alleviate the panic, as well as help avert or minimize any potential danger.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Catastrophizing.”

* The Serenity Prayer:

“God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace…”

“I need some space from you kids! Just leave me in peace!”

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"The Sound of Furyk" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

It’s exhausting to be needed all the time by young children. It’s important to try and get some space BEFORE you get overwhelmed. Once you start yelling, it’s too late—the child feels hurt and you feel guilty, which makes any space and time alone not very enjoyable.

If you take some quiet time on a regular basis, the child will get used to it, and you’ll be less likely to explode. You can say something like, “I love spending time with you. But everyone needs a little solitude to rejuvenate. I will feel a lot better afterwards.”

If you explain yourself briefly and calmly, the child won’t feel abandoned and you’ll be role modeling how to create a healthy balance between interaction with others and peaceful solitude for yourself.

If you get to the point of losing your temper, simply apologize afterwards. Say, “Everyone needs some time to re-energize, and I’ve been ignoring a voice inside me that says, ‘I need to take some time for myself right now.’”

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Watch “Expressing Anger Effectively.”

When Others are Angry:
“I can’t deal with my husband’s anger, even though his anger’s about someone at work. I just walk away.”

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"Sound Wave" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

If you can’t handle being in the room when your spouse is angry, then leaving might be necessary. But try not to walk away without an explanation, or he might feel rejected or abandoned. Explain that you feel overwhelmed by the force and volume of his voice, even though you know he’s not angry at you. Tell him that you want to hear what’s going on his life at work, when he’s calmer.

It is important to let your spouse know that although his anger may be justified, that his angry energy and loud tone of voice make you feel apprehensive and upset, as though he’s angry at you. On the other hand, consider whether you are perhaps overly sensitive to any display of anger, in which case you might want to work on thickening your skin and resilience.

Should you have compassion for someone who is angry? Absolutely, even though it may not be easy. It helps to see through the anger to the underlying hurt or fear that’s fueling that anger. When you see the vulnerability underneath, it’s much harder to take anger personally, even if it were aimed at you.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Dealing with Angry People.”

Read “Being Firm with a Sensitive Child.”