Tag Archives: optimism

Good Mood / Bad Mood:
“I have no control over what mood I’ll be in.”

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"Dance Party" by Mimi Stuart ©

“Dance Party” by Mimi Stuart ©

It is not surprising that people who expect things to turn out well report themselves happier and under less psychological stress than people who expect the worst. When people are in a good mood, they experience better mental agility, comprehension, and creativity. They view other people and events more optimistically. They also become more helpful to others.

Two things influence your mood at any given time: you and the people around you.

You

Everybody has an in-born tendency toward optimism or pessimism. Whatever your innate temperament, you can teach yourself to shift your attitude into a happier range. Physical exercise, friendships, volunteer work, gratitude, sleep, consuming healthy foods, and following your passions are all great mood enhancers.

Additionally, expanding your emotional vocabulary allows you to actually experience more variations in your mood. Someone who lives in the snow doesn’t use one term for snow, but benefits from knowing the distinctions between slush, hoarfrost, sleet, powder, etc. Eskimos are said to have at least 50 words for snow, while the Sami languages have upward of 180 words for snow and ice.

Similarly, grasping a whole range of subtle distinctions between emotions adds richness to your emotional life. Understanding the source and nuances of emotions makes them much less alarming and easier to handle. A greater vocabulary to describe your feelings also gives you more choice as to how you experience them, which makes them more manageable.

For example, you will feel less angst if you reframe “panic over potential failure” into “nervous excitement over a new challenge.” Likewise if you decide that you are “sad for your loss but need to move on” rather than “crushed,” you can transform anguish into determination.

The People Around You

It seems that we only have control over our own mood and not very much influence over the mood of those around us. So does it matter if people around us are in a bad mood?

Yes. An experiment showed that among 70 work teams in different industries, the people on each team ended up sharing their good moods or bad moods within two hours of being together.

You can always try to influence the people around you to improve their state of mind, but only if they are open to it. When it becomes apparent that it is a futile effort, you should beware of having your own feelings of wellbeing compromised. Minimizing time with people who leave you dejected, drained, frustrated, or angry in favor of people with passion, vitality, and enthusiasm makes life more gratifying and fulfilling.

by Dr. Alison Poulsen

Guest Author Roswitha McIntosh
Beyond Gloom & Doom

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"Yes" by Mimi Stuart ©

“Yes” by Mimi Stuart ©

Brain research shows that happiness is more closely related to our state of mind than to our external circumstances. We filter life through our mind’s eye. Thus, we can choose to appreciate the moment and view our life as a precious gift. By transforming our state of mind, we can improve life’s ordinary moments, making them extraordinary, which results in greater enjoyment of life’s journey.

Here is an example of how a change of attitude can transform our experience of ordinary life, and make it better for those around us as well.

GUEST AUTHOR Roswitha McIntosh writes:

Whenever I listen to the news or read the newspaper, a sense of gloom overtakes me—nothing cheerful, nothing uplifting. News about terror, war and corruption, news about the alarming decimation of other species and destruction of our planet, or earthquakes, floods and fires. Man against man, man against beast, man against nature, and nature against man. Nothing but gloom.

I decide to take a walk. A neighbor waves a friendly Good Morning. A little boy holds the door for me—what kindness in one so young! The sky is blue. Overhead, a plane takes travelers to distant lands. Below, flowers shine in the sun. My spirits lift with joy.

As always when I enter a grocery store, I marvel at the abundance of it all. I grew up in war-torn Europe, when food was severely rationed. People were pitifully thin.

I remember my overwhelming amazement when I had my first American meal, succulent roast beef—more than a month’s ration—a baked potato, butter and corn. We did have potatoes—that’s what we lived on—but there was no butter or cream or anything else. For my first dessert in America I chose an orange—I vaguely recalled once having seen one. I knew nothing about ice cream.

Today I’m looking for an orchid for my brother. “Long lines,” I mention to the young woman in front of me. It is Saturday. “You’ve got only one item?” she asks, looking at my plant. “Do go ahead of me,” she offers.

I thank her for her kindness, but decline, seeing her little son. “I bet you’re eager too to get back outside,” I say to the boy. He smiles. We chat amicably about this and that and before we know it, we reach the checkout stand.

I walk home with a smile, glad to realize again that most individuals are kind, far kinder than the media realizes. I mentally survey my friends and acquaintances and find that they all have admirable traits: it may be kindness, joie de vivre or integrity, knowledge, special skills or a good sense of humor. It’s rare that I run into a person who’s devoid of a worthy trait.

It is NOT a world of gloom and doom, I conclude, but a world of infinite variety. And, gratifyingly, we are free to choose our focus and attitude. By doing so we create a world of our own making.

by Roswitha McIntosh, editor of the blog “Rosi Colored Glasses“

Getting over your Victim Story:
“My brother got all the attention.”

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"Alec Baldwin" by Mimi Stuart © Live the Life you Desire

“Alec Baldwin” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

We often dwell on specific, painful and negative events from our childhood.

“My mom passed out from drinking every night.”

“My dad hit me if I didn’t get straight As.”

“I hoard stuff because I grew up poor.”

Our childhood circumstances do affect us in many powerful ways. We should not glibly gloss over the past and thereby try to repress our anger, pain, or our heartfelt desires.

Yet we often create a story around our upbringing that actually constrains our lives by turning us into a lifelong victim.

Living in the past

Our interpretation of what happened and why we ended up the way we are is partly a work of fiction. More importantly, when we repeat the same stories to ourselves and others, we trap ourselves into being victims of our past.

Why do people reiterate the same simplistic, deterministic stories that interfere with their free will and personal responsibility, boring themselves and others? Because it is easy and comforting to do so. It gets us off the hook for taking responsibility for our lives. It is difficult and challenging to use fresh thinking instead of making excuses for our current situation by living in the past.

Personal responsibility

Of course you had bad luck in having an abusive parent, and no child is responsible for the bad behavior of their parent. Nonetheless we do grow up and develop strength and capabilities that allow us to make choices that determine a new path for our future.

Yes, some people had a tougher childhood than others. Yet the best way for all people to free themselves from the shackles of the past is by freeing themselves from their victim story. This means taking personal responsibility for the choices we make in life.

Healing fiction

Once we grow up, we have the choice to let go of the histories we cling to. Rather than thinking of yourself as a victim of your family dysfunction, you could think of yourself as someone who has learned important lessons during childhood, finding inner courage and resilience as a result. You could view your experience of pain and hardship as the way in which you developed your inner strength and your dreams.

You can use your creative intelligence and wisdom to look at your life through a new prism. When you transform the story about your past, you create an opportunity to direct your future. By becoming one who has successfully overcome past challenges, you invite inner strength and vitality into your life.

Continued Evolution

We should continue to beware of clinging to our new story, however, even if it is one of redemption, recovery, or triumph over wrong-doing. Any story reiterated automatically becomes stale and thus prevents evolution, innovation, and inspiration in our lives.

Say you have overcome a miserable childhood by developing tremendous optimism. In general this will be a productive and positive way to improve your life. However, if tackling everything with optimism becomes the new story with which you identify, it may prevent you from becoming angry, having boundaries, making a complaint, or making an important change. Your story of optimism only allows you to conquer any difficult circumstances with a positive attitude. But even such a positive outlook can lead to naiveté, possible harm, and lack of growth when it is the only tool in your tool box. Always keep a place for standing up for yourself.

Therefore, it is wise not to allow one particular story to become the rigid definition of who you are, no matter how positive that story may appear to be.

Life is about evolution.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Living the Life you Desire: ‘Why me? Everything would be different, if only….’”

Read “Anger is eating me up.”

“The world is becoming worse. Where’s the opportunity?”

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"Light of the Silvery" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.

~Winston Churchill

Realistic optimism — that is, hopefulness and confidence about the future with an understanding of reality — enhances quality of life and longevity. Optimism requires intentional seeking of opportunity, beauty, and possibility, even in circumstances that don’t seem to hold out much hope, as in the following story:

The pessimist was sitting in a room full of toys and he did nothing but whine and cry. In contrast, the optimist was placed in a room full of horse manure and given a shovel. The optimist was happily shoveling away the manure. When asked why he was so happy, he said: “There’s got to be a pony in here somewhere!”

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “What is there to be cheerful about?”

Read “Flexibility: ‘My negative emotions bring me down. I tend to dwell on feeling hurt or angry.'”