“Didn’t you hear what I just said!”

"Moderato" by Mimi Stuart ©  Live the Life you Desire

“Moderato” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

So… what I really meant is…

“I don’t think our views are that far apart. We’re just coming at it from different angles. Tell me what you think I’m saying so I can clarify my ideas better.”

Attacking a person hinders communication and damages relationships. If you want to open someone’s mind or heart, don’t imply that they don’t listen and can’t understand simple logic.

To have an effective discussion, you need an underlying attitude of respect, which conveys a desire to appreciate the other person’s perspective and to come to a mutually-accepted understanding.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Conversation and Active Listening: ‘It seems like I do all the talking.’”

Read “Giving Advice: ‘She never listens to me.’”

Equality in a relationship: “Why don’t you do what I tell you to do? I’m the man in this relationship.”

"The Kiss" by Mimi Stuart © Live the Life you Desire

“The Kiss” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

Before you wish your partner would simply obey your wishes, think about how a domineering/submissive dynamic would impact the long-term health of your relationship. A relationship based on unequal power and obedience will not grow and cannot sustain passion. Domination and compliance are quick ways to deal a blow to the respect required for a long-term passionate relationship.

Respect and love are at the heart of any meaningful or enjoyable relationship. In fact research shows that men and women who are able to listen to their partners in a respectful way are more likely to sustain a successful relationship.* A sense of power sharing is critical to a mutually respectful relationship that is capable of sustaining long-term harmony.

Equality does not mean giving in, giving up, or taking turns in your decision making. It means really listening with an open mind and generous heart.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

*Reference: Richard Wiseman, “59 Seconds: Think a little, Change a lot.”

Read “Creating a better relationship: ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about!’”

Read “Conversation and Active Listening: ‘It seems like I do all the talking.’”