Sports Psychology: “I’m terrible at this sport. I can never get it right.”

"Cool Drive" Ernie Els by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

To improve at a sport and be able to enjoy it, you need to stay cool and focused. No matter what your level, you don’t need to dwell on feeling disappointed about your performance. Simply focus on what you need to do to get better. Then you practice, and practice some more.

Swearing, throwing your equipment, and beating yourself up mentally will not inspire you to improve at any sport. Being hard on yourself simply doesn’t put you in the right frame of mind to progress.

Enhancing your game requires constructive analysis, coaching, focus, and practice. Constructive analysis means figuring out what you’re doing right and what your mistakes are without getting emotional.

Maintaining some humility gives a person perspective. But don’t let modesty turn into self-ridicule. Endless negative comments about how inept you are takes away from your focusing on the goals you set and becomes wearisome to others.

It’s difficult to be around people who moan and sigh about how lame they are. The fact is that most people focus more on their own game than how others are doing. However, what does count and get noticed is another person’s attitude. If you’re struggling, there’s no need to showcase your frustration.

The ideal mental and physical attitude for improving your game incorporates both intense focus and relaxed flexibility—which in turn is an good approach for living your life.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “The Harsh Inner Critic.”

Life Shifting with Dr. Hull: “Don’t you think I should be happy?”

"Stepping into Flux" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

We are so attached to the concept of being happy in this culture that we beat ourselves up whenever life appears other than aligned with this lofty—and quite often unattainable—goal. In the sentence above, “should” is a euphemism, a stand-in, for “something is wrong with my life.” I don’t accept life as it is. Either IT (life) or I need to change.

What is the antidote to the debacle of “should”? In its many internal and external guises, “should” is often a sign of resistance to what is, and resistance, at its core, is almost always fear. Take a moment and think about what the deeper voice—the one bubbling up from the heart—might be saying (when in the throes of “should”): “I am afraid to let go of my partner. I am afraid to change. I am afraid that he doesn’t love me. I am afraid that my life will be a failure.” YIKES! Do you see how the monster of fear lies in wait under the surface mantra of “life should be different”?

Happiness, in the context of “should” is a paradox, because only by letting go of the “should” component—which is based on fear and our need to control—can true happiness ultimately emerge in our lives. I believe we could be happy, but only if we learn to stop resisting life, embrace change, and resonate, relish, and revel, deep down, head to toe, in the mud of what is, which is what becoming a “life-shifter” is ultimately about.

By Dr. Jeffrey Hull, Author of “SHIFT: Let Go of Fear and Get Your Life in Gear”, Radio Host on Transformation Talk Radio; Life Shifting with Dr. Hull, Psychologist and Executive Coach in New York.