When people feel comfortable and secure in their relationship, they often lose desire and passion. Once someone becomes too familiar, the mystery that fuels desire fades.
Why people fall out of love
1. Criticizing to prevent change
As people come to value the security of their relationship, novelty can feel threatening. Anything new can be met with a negative remark or a roll of the eyes. To make sure that accustomed habits stay the same, people will discourage their partner’s growth. The consequence is that they lose the joy and passion of being in love. Continue reading →
Sustaining a fulfilling, long-term relationship is tricky because it requires several essential qualities that may seem contradictory. Most problems in relationships occur because one of these crucial elements is missing or they are out of balance. All five of the following elements are critical in all fulfilling relationships, and particularly in long-term passionate, love relationships.
Effective communication is not enough to have fulfilling relationships. If you want to enjoy healthy, vibrant relationships, romantic or otherwise, three essential steps need to occur prior to communicating.
Desire & Desirability Transform the Pursuer/Distancer Dynamic into a Mutual Loving Relationship
Over the past seven years, I have had the pleasure of responding to many questions and comments from readers of my blog “So what I really meant….” I have been struck by how frequently readers express the value of understanding the Pursuer/Distancer dynamic and the benefit of learning how to overcome it. This inspired me to write this book called “Desire & Desirability.”
Often in a relationship one partner seeks more intimacy than the other. When the Pursuer seeks too much connection or attachment, the Distancer can feel trapped and anxious about losing his or her independence, which may ultimately lead to withdrawal from the relationship leaving the Pursuer heartbroken.
Perfect balance in a relationship is impossible to achieve, yet we can learn to modify our behavior to move toward better symmetry. Real-life examples described in this book illustrate ways to transform your desire based on need into desirability based on fullness. The examples focus primarily on couples in romantic relationships but the principles discussed hold true for all types of relationships including those between friends, co-workers, and parents and children.
It is my hope that understanding the strategies laid out in “Desire & Desirability” will give you the tools to empower you to sustain a more balanced, reciprocal, and fulfilling relationship.
I want to thank my readers for the many thoughtful comments and questions sent over the years that have inspired me to think about relationship and psychological challenges in new and deeper ways.
