Tag Archives: humor

Embarrassment vs. Humor:
“I’m embarrassed about the way I dance.”

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"Wisdom of Laughter" — Einstein by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

Whether you have two left feet on the dance floor, do something clumsy, or say something embarrassing, it’s incredibly liberating to develop a sense of humor about yourself. Keeping in mind the greater scheme of things and having a long-term perspective allow you to see the humor in a situation.

When you can laugh at yourself, it shows confidence and puts others at ease. On the other hand, embarrassment (feeling awkward, self-conscious, and ashamed) calls attention to your shortcomings. People feel more uncomfortable when others are deeply embarrassed than they do when others make a mistake or dance like a klutz.

Having a sense of humor about yourself does not mean that you should belittle yourself. It simply means not to take your current situation and yourself too seriously.

In a culture where most people are not raised with music and dancing, it’s not unusual that some people feel uncomfortable on the dance floor. Yet, it’s better to transform your embarrassment than to miss out on life’s fun and adventure. Besides, with practice, we all can improve.

Humor boosts the chemistry of your brain by lowering the levels of the stress hormone cortisol. By helping the immune system to fight infections and serving as one of the body’s primary defense mechanisms, humor helps you to become healthier and happier.

Dance and humor are a great counterbalance to our everyday cerebral life pursuits. So if someone laughs at you, just smile back and keep dancing.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD


Read “I’m really upset about my child being made fun of at school.”

Read “Embarrassing adult relatives: Scowl! “Psst! Can’t you chew with your mouth closed?’”

Reference: Rewire Your Brain: Think Your Way to a Better Life by John B. Arden.

Living together Part 2: Fairness — “Well, I’m paying for everything!”

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"Harmonic Balance" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire
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Be fair with others, but then keep after them until they’re fair with you.

~Alan Alda

In addition to having manners and maintaining boundaries, being fair in what you contribute in a household makes a big difference in long-term relationships. Here are a few guidelines that work for most people:

1. Clean up after yourself. There’s nothing so discouraging as living with someone who leaves a mess everywhere. Relaxed order, not sanitary perfection, is a happy medium for most people living together. People who are either sticklers for perfection or extremely messy are often better off living alone.

2. Be thoughtful, but beware of doing too much for others. While it’s kind to cook or clean for others, doing too much without willing reciprocity from them may lead to you becoming resentful.

3. Maintain your boundaries regarding personal property. It’s nice to be generous with people who are respectful and appreciative. However, if someone “borrows” something of yours without asking, you might say, “I’d like you to ask me first.” If people don’t respect your belongings, they likely will not respect you. If they persist in “borrowing” without asking, take steps to secure your property.

4. Have clear understandings regarding finances, both your own and your collective finances. In temporary relationships, where society has no legal say, such as non-married partners, or renters who share a house, it is very important to have clear understandings that address bills, finances and paperwork. Clearly define what belongs to whom and who is responsible for what. Even if you live with your best friend or the love of your life, you want to protect yourself and your relationship from the outset. A relationship is more solid and stress-free when there is clarity regarding finances.

5. Don’t gossip. When you align yourself with just one person, if there are more than two in the household, others in the house may feel alienated.

6. Have a sense of humor. This is probably the most beneficial trait you can have in relationships. As William James puts it: “Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.”

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Living together Part I: Manners and Boundaries”

Read “I don’t want finances to get in the middle of it, because I don’t want it to get ugly.”

Sarcasm: “You can carry it yourself. Your arms aren’t broken.”

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"Dauntless" Lope's Hope by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

Sarcastic people often hide behind the excuse of “I was just being funny.” Humor makes people laugh, but sarcasm does not.

The word comes from the Greek “sarkasmos” meaning “to tear flesh, gnash the teeth, and speak bitterly.” Sarcasm signifies “the use of irony to mock or convey contempt.” Contempt communicates the feeling that the other is unworthy of respect. It’s no longer so funny when someone treats you as though you are unworthy of respect.

People often use sarcasm because they have been treated poorly themselves, which creates a desire to retaliate by making other people feel foolish. Thus, the miserable cycle of biting cynicism fuels itself.

Sarcastic people have often been taught to feel uncomfortable talking about such unmanly things as feelings, needs and desires—e.g., being tired, overwhelmed, sad, angry, etc. They expect or hope that others will know what they feel and need.

Ironically, when we avoid expressing our vulnerabilities, it can lead to a subversive upwelling of those vulnerabilities. When they’re not expressed in a straight-forward manner, they simmer below the surface and erupt in a hurtful way.

Instead of saying “Are your arms broken?” it’s much more effective to state why you don’t want to carry something or otherwise undertake the task at hand. Here are some ideas of what you could say without attacking the other person:

“Sorry, I’m too tired. I’ve worked a lot today,”
“I’ve got my hands full,”
“I think you can handle it,”
“I would like it if you contributed a little more,” or
“I’d like to go relax and reread ‘Where the Wild things Are.’”

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Contempt: ‘Don’t look at me that way.'”