Tag Archives: harsh self-criticism

Sports Psychology: “I’m terrible at this sport. I can never get it right.”

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"Cool Drive" Ernie Els by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

To improve at a sport and be able to enjoy it, you need to stay cool and focused. No matter what your level, you don’t need to dwell on feeling disappointed about your performance. Simply focus on what you need to do to get better. Then you practice, and practice some more.

Swearing, throwing your equipment, and beating yourself up mentally will not inspire you to improve at any sport. Being hard on yourself simply doesn’t put you in the right frame of mind to progress.

Enhancing your game requires constructive analysis, coaching, focus, and practice. Constructive analysis means figuring out what you’re doing right and what your mistakes are without getting emotional.

Maintaining some humility gives a person perspective. But don’t let modesty turn into self-ridicule. Endless negative comments about how inept you are takes away from your focusing on the goals you set and becomes wearisome to others.

It’s difficult to be around people who moan and sigh about how lame they are. The fact is that most people focus more on their own game than how others are doing. However, what does count and get noticed is another person’s attitude. If you’re struggling, there’s no need to showcase your frustration.

The ideal mental and physical attitude for improving your game incorporates both intense focus and relaxed flexibility—which in turn is an good approach for living your life.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “The Harsh Inner Critic.”

The Harsh Inner Critic:
“I told her I love her on the first date. I am such an idiot.”

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“Faces” by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

We all have an inner critic, which is necessary to stop us from engaging in illegal or unethical behavior and saying outrageous things. However, a tyrannical inner critic can be debilitating and lead to feelings of inadequacy and depression, preventing full participation in life.

Most people have an inner critic that can be abrasive in just a couple of select areas, interfering with their ability to enjoy life in those areas by insisting that they are not good enough, attractive enough, or smart enough. When the inner critic becomes abusive in any area of life, we need to tone it down, put it into perspective, and transform it into an encouraging supporter. Self-criticism is most useful when we consider our mistakes and use them as lessons to help guide us in the future.

So every time you say, “I’m an idiot,” “I totally blew it again,” or any other self-demeaning phrase, follow it with a positive phrase, such as, “No one’s perfect,” “Everyone who tries makes mistakes” or use a helpful and constructive thought, such as “Next time I won’t say I love someone on the first date. At least I’m romantic.”

Regarding your declaration of love on a first date, there is a happy medium in healthy relationships between being emotionally withdrawn and sharing every fleeting feeling. Next time, just enjoy the feeling of infatuation at least until the third date. Keep in mind, there are a lot worse things than announcing you’re in love on the first date.

by Alison Poulsen

Watch “Quieting a Harsh Inner Critic.”