Tag Archives: gossip

Gossip: “I can’t stand malicious gossip, but sometimes I end up participating in it!”

Posted on by
2

"Peace - Buddha" by Mimi Stuart © Live the Life you Desire

“Peace – Buddha” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

It’s normal to be intrigued by the enthralling and sometimes unfortunate situations that people we know might find themselves in. However, when spreading news turns into an opportunity to delight in someone else’s misfortune, to malign someone, or to get attention, people involved in listening and spreading the gossip tend to feel dirty afterwards.

When you sense that news is turning into Schadenfreude—feeling happy about someone else’s misfortune—then it is time to take action and change the direction of the conversation or terminate your involvement completely.

When faced with gossipmongering, you can:

1. Change the subject: Steer the conversation in the direction of the gossiper. “How’s your work going?” “How’s your husband doing?”

2. Use humor: Humor is a great way to deflect prying questions. Keep a positive, light-hearted attitude and suggest that nobody is perfect.

3. Empathize with the victim: “Let’s take a look at it from his side.” People who gossip are often used to getting others’ attention and agreement. They might be taken aback, and stop, if you defend the person being slandered.

4. Insinuate a light reprimand: “Let’s talk about something more positive and decide what we’re going to do this afternoon.” Such a statement implies disapproval, but is softened with an alternative topic of discussion.

5. Be direct: “I feel uncomfortable enjoying someone else’s adversity. Let’s not gossip about people unless we’re trying to help them.” This is direct and can be said to people who can handle honest criticism, or when gossip is particularly malicious.

6. Avoid the gossiper: As a last resort, if you can’t stop immature or malicious gossip, avoid the gossiper all together.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Watch “Distinguishing Harmless from Malicious Gossip.”

Watch “How To Respond To Malicious Gossip.”

Read “Gossip vs. Honesty: ‘It is better to be honest and realistic than to pretend everyone is such an angel when they are not?’”

Read “Gossip: ‘What else did you hear?’”

Gossip: “What else did you hear?”

Posted on by
2

"Cadence" by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

Gossip is like overly salty food. We like the taste of salt, but too much of it overpowers other spices and the flavor of the food itself. We may be drawn to it, but too much can make us queasy.

Similarly, it’s human to be curious about the turn of events in other people’s lives. We imagine with wonder or trepidation what it would be like to be in their shoes when they fall in love, fall out of love, or get betrayed. How do people respond when their dreams or fears are actualized?

Excessive gossip reveals the gossiper’s deficient sense of self. The gossiper sensationalizes in an attempt to astonish people with intrigue, with the result that there’s no room for genuine understanding of the complexity of the people and situation involved. While the gossiper holds everyone’s attention for a moment, that moment is fleeting and rarely rewarding, regardless of the effort to embellish the story and prolong the gratifying moment of the listeners’ curiosity. A grain of salt turns brackish.

As compelling as intriguing rumors might be, too much scandal-mongering leaves everyone feeling un-nourished and nauseated.

How to handle gossip

We can handle gossip by moving the discussion away from the person being talked about or by changing the subject outright. Often, however, we can add depth and personal meaning to the subject by simply asking the right questions.

We can ask questions such as the following: “Have you ever experienced any kind of betrayal yourself? How would you want to handle it? Do you wish you had handled it differently?” Or “What is your greatest fear?” Or “How would you live your life if you had that much money?”

When people have to think about and expose their deeper desires and fears, they often become more sympathetic and circumspect and less judgmental. Thus, we can guide gossip — including our own — toward more meaningful conversation and greater connection.

Gossip is the art of saying nothing in a way that leaves practically nothing unsaid.

Walter Winchell

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Watch “Distinguishing Harmless from Malicious Gossip.”

Watch “How To Respond To Malicious Gossip.”

Read “Four ways to handle gossip: ‘Oh no, I’m trapped by her gossiping again!’”

Read “Why People Gossip and How to Avoid it.”

Four ways to handle gossip:
“Oh no, I’m trapped by her gossiping again!”

Posted on by
2

"The Siren's Song" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

A little bit of gossip may be healthy when its purpose is to spread good news, to gain insight, or to protect a friend from harm. However, when spreading rumors only serves to get attention or malign someone, it brings everyone down and often indicates that the gossiper is not comfortable in his or her own skin.

When you feel yourself being lured into malicious gossip, spurring the perpetrator on with curiosity, agreement, and questions can lead to a conversation that will make you feel uncharitable and mean-spirited afterwards. Here are some ways to handle the conversation:

1. Change the Subject: “How’s your work going?” This is the easiest way to handle gossip.

2. Devil’s Advocate: “Let’s take a look at it from Jane’s side.” People who gossip are often used to getting others’ attention and agreement. They might be taken aback, and stop, if you defend the person being slandered.

3. Innuendo: “Let’s talk about something more positive and decide what we’re going to do this afternoon.” These statements imply disapproval, but are softened with an alternative topic of discussion.

4. Direct: “I feel uncomfortable listening to negative judgments and rumors about people unless we’re trying to help them.” This is direct and can be said to people who can handle honest criticism, or when gossip is particularly malicious.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Watch “Distinguishing Harmless from Malicious Gossip.”

Watch “How To Respond To Malicious Gossip.”

Read “Why People Gossip and how to Deal with it.”

Read “What to do when people gossip about you.”