Tag Archives: flexibility

The essential personality trait for a calmer, more interesting and all around better life.

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"Can't walk but I can fly" by Mimi Stuart ©

“Can’t walk but I can fly” by Mimi Stuart ©

How do you react when your flight gets canceled, a friend doesn’t show up, or your dinner burns to a crisp? What if you spill coffee on your white shirt before a business meeting? Or you are robbed of your passport, money, and cell phone in a foreign country?

Many of us would become anxious or angry, which certainly does not improve the situation.

We need to be flexible. Being flexible means remaining cool headed, which allows us to problem-solve and to think of alternative actions when facing an unforeseen event. Being ready to adapt to changed circumstances invites creativity and resourcefulness.

Flexibility of attitude and action will give you the confidence to confront any situation. The simple act of remaining calm opens the possibility of maintaining a sense of humor and adventure, which increase your chances of having a positive outcome or at least an interesting experience.

For example, imagine the advantage of going to your business meeting with comfortable ease and a witty remark despite the stained shirt vs. being uncomfortably embarrassed. Or imagine the story you could tell when you are one of the few tourists who gets to experience a police station in Morocco vs. feeling panicked and overwhelmed.

Our memories of difficult situations and experiences make the best stories. If you keep calm and aware enough to observe the details and emotions while engaging the characters involved in the mishap it will make your experience that much more rewarding.

Bad situations may require that you modify your expectations. In a worst-case scenario that lacks any humor or an otherwise silver lining, being flexible means letting go and trying to gain patience, wisdom and humility, and to face the misfortune with a sense of grace.

by Dr. Alison Poulsen

Read “My negative emotions bring me down. I tend to dwell on feeling hurt or angry.”

Read “Transformational Vocabulary: ‘I’m angry, totally confused, and an emotional mess over these overwhelming problems.’”

“My negative emotions bring me down. I tend to dwell on feeling hurt or angry.”

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"Passacaglia" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

Negative emotions often indicate that what we are doing is not working for us. They signify that we need to become more flexible—to change our perceptions, our expectations, or our actions.

Flexibility allows us to deal with whatever life hands us without lingering with pain and suffering more than necessary. By becoming more versatile, we can view the twists and turns in our lives as an adventure. That’s not to say that there are not certain losses and disappointments that will be extremely painful. Still, much of our suffering can be used as a signal to change our action or to view a particular experience differently.

Notice that people who enjoy traveling are adaptable. They can go with the flow or change plans if necessary. If something unexpected happens, they don’t say, “This isn’t how I viewed my trip to Spain.” They become alert and alive, and often welcome the adventure unfolding before them.

Like traveling, life is a journey full of surprises and disappointments. The more quickly we can move forward with a new approach the better.

So, when you feel hurt, ask yourself, ”How can I change my expectations of the person who has hurt me?” When you are angry, ask yourself, “What step can I take to find justice or at least to avoid that same injustice in the future?”

Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

~Albert Einstein

Life is pretty simple: You do some stuff. Most fails. Some works. You do more of what works. If it works big, others quickly copy it. Then you do something else. The trick is the doing something else.

~Leonardo da Vinci

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Luck: “I try so hard but am usually unlucky.””

Manipulation:
“I value honesty and can’t stand dealing with manipulative people.”

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"Allure" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

You won’t like hearing this, but often when you “can’t stand” a certain quality in people, it means you need to develop the positive version of that quality in yourself.

The solution to dealing with manipulators is to develop a small dose of your own manipulative side in a positive way, namely, learning to be diplomatic and take into account your particular audience.

If you completely disown your manipulative/diplomatic side, you may unconsciously draw manipulative people into your orbit, becoming an easy victim. Also, a manipulative side that remains unconscious is in danger of erupting out of the shadow when you least expect it and to everybody else’s total surprise.

The benefits of having access to diplomacy, shrewdness and discretion include self-preservation and being able to deal with different types of people. While honesty generally promotes trust, it can be considered rude to be too honest in some cultures and subcultures. When dealing with manipulative people, it can be foolish and even self-destructive to be too honest.

Healthy flexibility in your ability to relate with different types allows you to enjoy and protect yourself with a wider range of people. Also, many positive skills require some diplomatic framing; how could you get and hold a job or flirt without a little diplomacy?

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “The Benefit of People who Bug you” by J’aime ona Pangaia.

Read “Lying: I get so mad that my family lies to me all the time.”