Equality in a relationship: “Why don’t you do what I tell you to do? I’m the man in this relationship.”

"The Kiss" by Mimi Stuart © Live the Life you Desire

“The Kiss” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

Before you wish your partner would simply obey your wishes, think about how a domineering/submissive dynamic would impact the long-term health of your relationship. A relationship based on unequal power and obedience will not grow and cannot sustain passion. Domination and compliance are quick ways to deal a blow to the respect required for a long-term passionate relationship.

Respect and love are at the heart of any meaningful or enjoyable relationship. In fact research shows that men and women who are able to listen to their partners in a respectful way are more likely to sustain a successful relationship.* A sense of power sharing is critical to a mutually respectful relationship that is capable of sustaining long-term harmony.

Equality does not mean giving in, giving up, or taking turns in your decision making. It means really listening with an open mind and generous heart.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

*Reference: Richard Wiseman, “59 Seconds: Think a little, Change a lot.”

Read “Creating a better relationship: ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about!’”

Read “Conversation and Active Listening: ‘It seems like I do all the talking.’”

Happiness, Freedom, and Independence: “I don’t know what will make me happy.”

"Liberty" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

The very fact that we spend time thinking about happiness is one good reason to be happy. In order to have the option to pursue happiness, there has to be freedom from oppression as well as equality of individuals before the law.

One of the most powerful statements in United State’s founding documents shows the connection between equality and the pursuit of happiness:

“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”

~The Declaration of Independence

Sadly, in too many countries people do not have the luxury of discussing happiness or love because the political environment does not allow the freedom needed to make meaningful choices. Poverty combined with totalitarian regimes oppress people to the point where mere survival is all that they can really think about.

We who live in countries that aspire to freedom and equality before the law are very fortunate in being able to have some ability to follow our own path to a happy and meaningful life.

Even if we don’t know what will make us happy, we can be grateful that we have enough security in our lives to consider what might make us happy.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Life-shifting with Dr. Hull: Don’t you think I should be happy?”