Tag Archives: diplomatic

“You left the place a horrible mess again!”

Posted on by
Reply
"Mr. Hole-in-One" by Mimi Stuart © Live the Life you Desire

“Mr. Hole-in-One” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

 

So… what I REALLY meant was…

“I feel discouraged when I come home and see dirty dishes. It would make me happy to come home to a cleaner house. I would appreciate it if you would accommodate me.”

Criticism, complaints, and blame put people on the defensive. On the other hand, you can give the other person an opportunity to do something nice for you by phrasing your request diplomatically.

First of all, instead of attacking the other person, express how you feel given the simple facts, that is, “dirty dishes” instead of “horrible mess.” Then describe specifically what you would like him or her to do and how good it would make you feel. Most people enjoy making others happy. So express how appreciative you would be to come home to a clean house.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Communicating Effectively under Stress: ‘This is horrible!’”

Read “Living together Part I: Manners and Boundaries — ‘What’s the matter with you? Look at this mess you made!’”

Manipulation:
“I value honesty and can’t stand dealing with manipulative people.”

Posted on by
3

"Allure" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

You won’t like hearing this, but often when you “can’t stand” a certain quality in people, it means you need to develop the positive version of that quality in yourself.

The solution to dealing with manipulators is to develop a small dose of your own manipulative side in a positive way, namely, learning to be diplomatic and take into account your particular audience.

If you completely disown your manipulative/diplomatic side, you may unconsciously draw manipulative people into your orbit, becoming an easy victim. Also, a manipulative side that remains unconscious is in danger of erupting out of the shadow when you least expect it and to everybody else’s total surprise.

The benefits of having access to diplomacy, shrewdness and discretion include self-preservation and being able to deal with different types of people. While honesty generally promotes trust, it can be considered rude to be too honest in some cultures and subcultures. When dealing with manipulative people, it can be foolish and even self-destructive to be too honest.

Healthy flexibility in your ability to relate with different types allows you to enjoy and protect yourself with a wider range of people. Also, many positive skills require some diplomatic framing; how could you get and hold a job or flirt without a little diplomacy?

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “The Benefit of People who Bug you” by J’aime ona Pangaia.

Read “Lying: I get so mad that my family lies to me all the time.”