“Free” by Mimi Stuart ©
We are often weighed down by the things we accumulate – gifts, mementos, and even furniture gifted to us by loved ones and relatives. We feel that throwing out or giving things to the Good Will would be an offense to the memory of our parents, grandparents, friends, and children.
“Concentration—Jack Nicklaus” © by Mimi Stuart
In ten minutes, you can organize one drawer, go through one box of stuff you’ve been storing, make one difficult phone call or walk around the block.
Disarray muddles the mind. Your untidiness may be
• Physical — in a jumble of boxes in the garage,
• Mental — in pressures that need to be dealt with, or
• Emotional — dreaded obligations that need to be addressed.
“Clarity” by Mimi Stuart ©
Disarray clutters the mind
Clutter in your environment creates clutter in the mind and vice versa. Clutter in your home, office, and car tends to correspond to the clutter in your mind, in your relationships, and in your life.
Living in an environment where it is difficult to find things and difficult to think leads to chaos and indecision. In such an atmosphere, the anxiety of being overwhelmed by stuff stifles your focus and potential.
Accumulation of clutter has its basis in fear
Some people fear never having enough. People who have experienced deprivation during their lifetime, whether through war, poverty, or hard times, understandably find it difficult to throw things out, fearing they may need them in the future.
Others equate possession with security. Being surrounded by possessions gives them the feeling of having value or being loved. Acquiring and retaining things makes them feel more secure.
Many people simply dread the task of re-organizing and removing clothes, papers, and stuff. They dislike the emptiness they feel when doing something so tedious. Instead, they focus on more stimulating activities — like shopping for more stuff!
Clutter is oppressive
By avoiding the tedium of organizing and throwing out possessions, you basically become hostage to them. Your possessions ultimately possess you and create chaos in your life. Disorganized papers, for instance, can lead to unpaid bills, fights about money, wasted time, and family disorder. A cluttered, messy home is depressing and weighs a person down with the burden it creates.
Making room for possibility
A de-cluttered home provides an atmosphere of serenity and possibility. There’s no need to swing to the extreme of immaculate orderliness that may create a feeling of sanitary lifelessness. It’s a reasonably clutter-free environment that creates harmony around us, and makes room in our lives for a range of new possibilities.
by Dr. Alison Poulsen
"Sandy Bay, Isla de Roatan" by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire
Can a clean house eliminate family conflict? Does a messy home make or break a relationship?
Too much clutter tends to confuse the mind while good feng shui enhances harmony in the home. Nevertheless, family conflict stems more from how you go about dividing up chores rather than how clean the house is.
Clear communication about expectations and goals is the best way to avoid the growth of disappointment and resentment, which can devour family relations like a malignancy.
As with most joint decision-making, it’s best to sit down to discuss the issue neutrally and fairly rather than giving unilateral directives. Doing all the chores yourself, grumbling snidely, or escaping the whole issue through distractions causes resentment among all parties.
Start with a comment, such as, “Let’s sit down and discuss chores, so we all can decide what we are willing to do and feel that it’s fair.”
Write down all the daily, weekly and seasonal chores. Then jointly figure out who prefers which chores and reach agreement on who will do what. Use a matter-of-fact tone and a good attitude as though you are choosing what to order off a menu rather than having punishment meted out. (“Let’s see… I’ll take the ‘Mow the lawn on Saturdays.’”)
It’s important to be fair and cooperative. Consider taking turns doing the chores nobody likes doing. If your budget permits, consider hiring or trading with outside services for the jobs nobody can stand doing.
If you have been doing most of the work, it may be in your best interest to allow your family members to lead the discussion and bring up ideas of how to divide up the work. They are more likely to buy into their own ideas. Write everything down and post the list.
Only jump in to do others’ chores if you can do so out of the goodness of your heart and without resentment. Try not to police others, because it creates tension and it backfires. If someone keeps neglecting their chores, have another meeting and discuss it. Joint decision-making and ongoing open communication will pay off for everyone, especially the children. It gives them ownership.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD