“I’d be happy to consider doing that for you if you would speak to me respectfully.”
Unfortunately people close to you may need to be reminded to be polite if they begin to take you for granted.
Why would anyone be motivated to help someone who is being rude? While it’s appropriate to be upset and important to stop the disrespectful behavior, there is no need to overreact. Calling someone a name and being demeaning yourself will only aggravate the situation.
You are more likely to change the relationship dynamic if you keep your cool while giving the other person an opportunity to show his or her better side.
A trip out of town can ease pressure and be re-invigorating. Yet an overpowering desire to get away from it all – driven by the pressures of everyday life – often indicates a failure to set adequate boundaries.
A strong desire to flee might signal that it is time to think about
• how you are giving too much of yourself, • which people you’d like to say “no” to, and • which projects you’d like to limit in your life.
A strong desire to flee might signal that it is time to determine
• what you need more of in your life, such as rest or enjoyment, • which people you’d like to spend more time with, and • what pursuits you’d like to add to your life.
Consider how to achieve these changes effectively, by
• expressing your choices to limit activities with clarity, tact, and consideration, • taking the initiative to add desired people and pursuits into your life, and • continuing to reassess and respect your own needs, desires, and comfort zone.
By tuning into feelings of irritation early and readjusting the choices you make, you are less likely to get fed up and want to run away from it all. Sometimes, however, a break is just what is needed to get revitalized and to contemplate in leisure the changes you would like to make in your life.
New year resolutions are notoriously fragile and ephemeral. But victims of abuse cannot afford this cavalier attitude: their mental — and too often physical — health depends on strictly observing the following promises to themselves:
1. I will treat myself with dignity and demand respect from others. I will not allow anyone to disrespect me.
2. I will set clear boundaries and make known to others what I regard as permissible and acceptable behavior and what is out of bounds.
3. I will not tolerate abuse and aggression in any form or guise. I will seek to terminate such misconduct instantly and unequivocally.
4. I will be assertive and unambiguous about my needs, wishes, and expectations from others. I will not be arrogant — but I will be confident. I will not be selfish and narcissistic — but I will love and care for myself.
5. I will get to know myself better.
6. I will treat others as I want them to treat me. I will try to lead by way of self-example.
7. If I am habitually disrespected, abused, or if my boundaries are ignored and breached I will terminate the relationship with the abuser forthwith. Zero tolerance and no second chance will be my maxims of self-preservation.
"Serenity" by Mimi Stuart Live the Life you Desire
Most of us like to come home to a place of harmony. To keep home as an oasis of peace, it helps to have manners and maintain boundaries. Here are some guidelines that work for most people.
1. Acknowledge others. Acknowledge them when they walk in the room; say “hello” and “goodbye.” Don’t take people for granted; say “please” and “thank you.”
2. Stay calm rather than being reactive. If someone’s grumpy, you don’t have to fix the problem or take it personally. Give the person space if you can. If the negative energy is overwhelming, then leave the room or say something without being offensive. “You seem unhappy. Is there something I can do for you?”
3. Seek some solitude every day and give others their privacy as well. By clearly communicating your intentions and your needs — that you need to rest or catch up on reading, for example, others will not take your isolation personally.
4. Look for the best in others and you’ll probably find it. Look for the worst, and that’s what you’ll find. If you’re the critical type, learn to let things roll off your shoulders. But if you’re the type to avoid making waves, try to speak up when things really bother you. The sooner you bring up things that upset you, the more casual and easy the conversation and relationship will be.
5. Communicate without judgment. All of us react quite differently to a friendly request than to negative criticism. Tone of voice and intention are more important than wording. “I feel a lot happier when the house is neat. I would really appreciate it if you’d clean up your dishes after you use them. And let me know if there’s something I can do differently.”
People in close quarters who are caring and thoughtful without being reactive or invasive can make living together a joy.
