Tag Archives: asking for help

How To Ask Your Partner For Help

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Attacking someone is not a good way to motivate someone to help you. Instead, make a specific positive request, and show them that you’d appreciate the help.

Also when you look at your life, most of the moments of a given day could be viewed as ordinary moments of work and doing chores like cleaning, cooking, and raking the leaves. If you decide to make the most of those ordinary moments instead of dreading them and slogging through them, you will change your life. By bringing a positive attitude to work and chores, you will bring enjoyment and vitality to all those all the ordinary moments and to your relationships.

by Dr. Alison Poulsen

Healthy Relationships and
Effective Communication

www.sowhatireallymeant.com
@alisonpoulsen
https://www.facebook.com/dralisonpoulsen

Watch “Effective Communication and getting what you want.”

Read “Breaking Patterns through Dramatic Practice: ‘I have good intentions, but…’”

The Effect of Newborns on a Relationship:
“It’s about time that YOU got up at night and fed the baby!”

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"First Lily" by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

Having a newborn can put a lot of stress on a relationship. Understandably, most of your focus is on the baby rather than on your partner because newborns are totally dependent on attention and care.

You may be exhausted, overwhelmed, and getting hardly any sleep. It’s no surprise that many relationships start to experience difficulty after the birth of the first child.

Relationships tend to do best despite the physical and emotional challenges of parenting when BOTH partners are engaged and try to do the following:

1. Show love and respect to one another,

2. Help and support each other,

3. Willingly do at least half of the overall work rather than focus on making sure that the other person is doing his or her fair share,

4. Be patient with your partner’s irritability due to exhaustion, and above all,

5. Cultivate your sense of wonder, gratitude, and humor.

No matter what, it is important to be able to get support when you need it. The most effective way to ask for help is to make a positive, specific request rather than a demand, command, or complaint. Your request will be most compelling when you show appreciation in your tone of voice and wording. For example,

“I know you’re tired, but I would really appreciate it if you could feed the baby tonight. I’m just exhausted.”

Having perspective helps ease the stress of feeling submerged. Keep in mind the bigger picture, namely,

that challenges are part of life,
that parenting is demanding but fleeting and rewarding, and
that with a little bit of luck, eventually you get out of life and relationships what you put into them!

And if not, at least you can feel good about having done the best you could!

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Who comes First: your Partner or your Children?”

Recommended Movie: Jennifer Westfeldt’s “Friends with Kids.”

“No one ever helps me with the dishes.”

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"Impact - Out of the Sand Trap" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Live you Desire

Try saying with a positive tone of voice, “It would be great if you could help with the dishes.” People generally like to help, IF they feel they will be appreciated for helping, NOT if guilt is used to get them to help. If your request doesn’t work, then add, “I really need your help right now. Please help me do the dishes.” Sound friendly, but not meek.

If this is a daily problem, plan ahead and ask, “Who wants to chop vegetables and set the table, and who wants to wash the dishes?”

If none of this works because your family dynamics are too entrenched, you may think about buying paper plates or going out to eat on your own. Just say, “I’m pretty overwhelmed with work and will treat myself to no dishes.”

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “I never get to go skiing anymore.”