You have to resist the temptation to dial her number. If she’s told you not to call her anymore, calling her is the last thing you should do for three reasons:

1. Disrespect worsens relationships. Ignoring her clear desires is disrespectful. Any potential future relationship based on disrespect is not going to be based on a good foundation. Respect her wishes, or she will push you away even more and end up really disliking you.

2. One-sided relationships are dissatisfying. There has to be some reciprocity in a relationship. No matter how much you like another person, if he or she does not reciprocate to some degree, then the person is not available either to you or perhaps to anyone for a relationship. It is frustrating and disheartening to say the least to try to be in a relationship without mutual engagement.

3. Obsession worsens your life. If you continue to engage in efforts to interact and communicate with someone who is not interested, your obsessive thoughts gain potency and prevent you from moving on in your life with other activities and relationships. The reverse is also true. Not moving on in your life will make your obsession worse. In some cases, love may not fade. Yet the obsessive character of not being able to stop thinking about someone will diminish if you stop trying to interact with that person.

Perhaps after a long period of time, say a year, you could reach out again to see if things have changed, if you objectively think that’s a possibility. If you do so, again take her response at face value, making sure you respect it, and make efforts to move forward in your life.

by Dr. Alison Poulsen

Read “I think I am a pursuer. My girlfriend initiated a breakup. I want to salvage this relationship. What can I do?”

Read “I’ve texted you five times in the last hour! Where have you been?”

Read “You sound like a broken record repeating stories about your psycho ex!”