Bringing passion back into your relationship depends on the qualities you bring to the relationship.

1. Vitality

Think of the people you find attractive and desirable. They are probably passionate about the people and pursuits in their lives.

How can you enhance your own life by pushing your own boundaries? For example, would you benefit by becoming more independent, romantic, fun, healthy, or fit? Everybody’s personality, interests, and life journey are different. One person may want to focus on developing friendships and pursuing their own passions. Another may want to focus on developing inner serenity or being more charitable. When you grow and become more balanced and whole, your life becomes more fulfilling and you become more vibrant and desirable to others.

Example: If you primarily focus on planning or parenting, your demeanor may become overly businesslike or child focused. If you want more connection and spark in your relationship, you may need to deliberately switch to the more relationship-oriented, spontaneous, or sensual part of yourself.

Strategy: Pick a time of day to turn off your computer and phone, and turn on your favorite music to help you make that transition to that sensual part of yourself, that is, awaken your senses, emotions, and body to the present moment. Rediscover that part of yourself that was desirable in the first place.

2. Acknowledgement

Too often when we spend a lot of time or live with someone, we take them for granted, which will cause the relationship to become sterile and passionless.

Never take a lover or life partner for granted. Make it a habit of treating that someone special as special. Say “hello, how are you doing?” Flirt, make them laugh, or surprise them. Tell them something you like about them every day. Find a moment for a kiss, a smile, or a hug.

3. Appreciation

If your partner habitually makes you coffee or feeds the dog every morning, it’s easy to become complacent and forget to appreciate their effort. Lack of appreciation and reciprocity lead to resentment that will corrode the relationship.

Be generous with compliments and gratitude—they bring out the best in others and you will feel better about yourself.

4. Date Night

Having a date night at least once a week keeps that romantic, engaging, interactional part of you and the relationship alive and thriving. Desire increases with imagination and anticipation of future enjoyment. But don’t wait until date night to flirt and have fun. Turn on the music, dance, and take a walk in the moonlight as often as you can.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD Psychology