“Is it clingy to always be the one waiting for someone who doesn’t seem that excited to see you?”

Balance Desire

When you are the one waiting for the other person to call you or come home, your desire for that person increases. It’s important, therefore, to find some balance. Otherwise, the Pursuer/Distancer dynamic will become amplified.

It would be healthier and more balanced for the relationship if the other person were to wait for you on occasion while you’re away living your life more fully. If you were to pursue some activities on your own, you would no longer feel a need to cling. Instead, you would feel more whole, and as a result, you would become more desirable. Once you become engaged with some of your own interests, friends, sports, and/or work, you will see a positive shift in your relationship dynamic.

Love out of need vs. love out of fullness

There is a palpable difference between love out of need and love out of fullness. When “love” turns out to be a need to feel validated or supported, it becomes draining and burdensome. When love comes from living a multifaceted life, it becomes vitalizing and energizing. In essence, relationships become more satisfying for both individuals when you find some meaning to your life outside of the relationship.

While need is a burden, love is a gift.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD