“Short-line” Bob LaPoint by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire
Signs You Are Texting Too Much
When someone stops responding to your texts or responds with a one-word answer after you’ve written a novel, it’s time to back off.
Relentless texting will push the other person away or spiral you into an emotionally-fused relationship. Beware when you need constant contact just to feel balanced. When you are too persistent in connecting with another person, you become dependent and uninteresting.
Obsession Destroys Intimacy
Neediness often turns into controlling behavior, and neither is very attractive or enticing.
After the initial flattery of being pursued wears off, receiving obsessive texts can feel like surveillance. It may cause a person to avoid you. A vicious cycle will follow where avoidance causes suspicion, resulting in more desire to monitor. In essence, having a tight grip on a relationship is a fast way to damage the relationship.
Independence Nurtures Desire
Ignoring the other person is not the answer. It is good to connect whether by text, phone or face-to-face interaction. But you will have a healthier relationship if you refrain from being obsessive or needy.
There has to be a balance between togetherness and independence. Self-confidence and independence allow for the freedom and breathing room that are essential ingredients for a relationship based on desire and free choice.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD
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Hi my name is Brianna I’ve been with my fiance for almost 6 months now, its getting to the point where he think I am smothering hin., so I offered to give him his space he said that its not space that he needs its that I have let him breathe a little after he gets off work, I do run to him as soon as he gets home all I want to do is to be in his arms because sometimes I think k about loosing him, never cheating even though I’ve been cheated on before but it seems as though the more I try to pull I’ll just continue to push him away more and more so I can basically say that I’m the persuer and he’s the distancer. It hurts and I don’t know what to do I’m scared that I’m going to loose my wonderful finance for ever if u don’t get my act together. I see my flaws and I know that I’m needy and or clingy maybe its my insecurities or something I don’t know but I want to get better with this issue that I have.
Hi Brianna,
Well you seem to understand your situation. I think you are right. You will scare him away by smothering him if you continue to run to him when he comes home. That is for sure. It’s a matter of self-discipline. You don’t need to ask him how much space he needs. You can sense it.
It would be helpful if you were busier with some of your own pursuits, friends, sports, work, etc. Instead of always being home and waiting for your fiance, could you engage in a sport or other activity? As you know, when you are waiting for someone, your desire for that person increases. It would be more balanced if he were sometimes waiting for you while you were working or at a class, or learning a language or on a walk or at the gym, etc,–something that interests you. Moreover, if you took on some more interesting pursuits, you would feel more whole yourself and not yearn for him. Loving someone out of fullness is more sustainable than loving someone out of need. Fullness comes from leading a more full, balanced life with ongoing growth. Believe me your long-term relationship will definitely be more sustainable if you start doing more on your own.
This dynamic of pursuer/distancer will only get more exaggerated once you are married if you don’t start balancing it out now.
Let me know how it goes.