“Grazia” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

When you find yourself talking about how pathetic or inane other people are, consider whether you are enhancing your own life or the lives of those around you. Sometimes it is interesting to try to understand what drives other people in their self-sabotaging behavior. But dwelling on other people’s misfortune and stupidity will ultimately bring you down and bore those around you.

When you feel a twinge of conscience, that’s a sign that it is time to stop and re-direct your thoughts and conversation away from mean-spirited gossip.

Examples

Here are some ways to change the subject away from gossip:

“Well, we can never really know the whole story.”

“We’re lucky we’re not facing the same challenges.”

“I’m sure there’s more to it than we may know.”

“Lets focus on something more interesting/planning a dinner/how your work is going.”

Last resort

If necessary, avoid getting drawn in, change the subject or disengage from the conversation altogether. Not only will you avoid letting gossip bring you down, you’ll help lift others out of its negativity as well.

What you focus on

What you focus on in your conversations with others affects who you are, how you feel and how others view you. Instead of trying to feel better about yourself by high-lighting others’ misfortunes, you can enhance your life by trying to live up to the qualities of the people you admire. Focusing on more positive and interesting ideas and accomplishments can inspire you to improve your own life and will inspire others as well.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD