“The Kiss” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire

A relationship is made up of a history of interactions between two people. All of the daily moments, glances, words, and focus of energy add up to create your relationship. Consider what kind of interactions your relationship consists of primarily:

Connection,
Collaboration,
Cuddling,
Caring,
Conversations, and
Compliments,

Or

Commands,
Complaints,
Criticisms,
Clinging,
Cringing, and
Contempt.

If you want a good relationship, it takes communicating in a way that deepens the relationship and builds upon positive interactions. If you want a great relationship, be thoughtful, respectful, reasonable, enjoyable, and create an atmosphere of desire. If you want more fun, be more fun and do more enjoyable things together. If you want more passion, take care of yourself, be sensual, seduce your partner with your own desire and self-confidence.

When two people first meet, they can be strongly attracted to each other, but long-term attraction is an art that requires awareness and practice. This applies to all types of relationships not just romantic ones.

Like learning a skill or a sport, good relationship habits become second nature with intentional practice. Specific changes in your daily routine can impact your presence and enjoyment in the world, and as a result, your relations with others. Here are some examples of habits that may need changing to see if you want to improve your relationships:

1. Messy or thoughtless

Do you leave dirty dishes in the kitchen or a mess around the house? If so, consider how that impacts you and the people you live with. It does not take more work to tidy up now rather than later. It simply requires changing the timing of when you do it.

2. Lack of self-care

Do you eat junk food and forget to get exercise? If so, think about how your lack of self-care makes you feel less healthy and attractive. Taking care of your health and physical vitality affects both you and those around you.

3. Rude or complaining

Do you frequently express yourself with contempt or complain to those around you? Practicing self-discipline to stay calm and to think before you communicate greatly affects your relationships and effectiveness in the world. Noticing and appreciating good things about people and the events in your life will increase your sense of meaning and fulfillment in your relationships.

4. Not present

Do you check social media too frequently rather than being present with the people around? Are you often in a rush because you have taken on too many responsibilities? There is nothing more annoying than being with someone who is always busy with more “important” things on his or her mind. The message is that those around them are not that important. Some people do have several jobs and carry a large burden in life. However, others have chosen to be that busy, blaming deadlines that they have agreed to for being rushed.

You gain more freedom in life when you realize that many of the duties and endeavors on your list are there as a result of the choices you make. Saying “yes” to your top priorities and “no” to a few lesser priorities will free up your time so you can truly enjoy your life and your relationships with more connection, collaboration, and cuddling.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD