“I’ll Give You the Moon and the Stars” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire
Sustaining a fulfilling, long-term relationship is tricky because it requires several essential qualities that may seem contradictory. Most problems in relationships occur because one of these crucial elements is missing or they are out of balance. All five of the following elements are critical in all fulfilling relationships, and particularly in long-term passionate, love relationships.
1. Respect — Show Respect
It is essential that we show that we value, respect, and appreciate our loved one on a daily basis.
John Gottman’s research shows that unless respect is shown at least 80% of the time, the relationship will spiral downward toward misery and divorce. Frequent irritability, criticism, or contempt destroys the connection and love in a relationship.
Most of us occasionally get short or critical with a loved one, and then it’s important to apologize soon thereafter.
2. Self-respect — Respect Yourself
Self-respect and self-acceptance is one of the most attractive qualities in a person.
Frequent self-criticism or an unwillingness to stop disrespectful behavior from others invites disrespect.
Transform demeaning self-criticism into constructive, positive self-talk. Show self-respect by standing up to rudeness, even if it is not in your nature to do so. “Excuse me?” or “You’re pushing me away. Please say it more politely.”
3. Independence — Retain Self-Reliance
Being too dependent on another person to meet emotional, financial, or intellectual needs oppresses the relationship and stifles the passion.
While it is not necessary to maintain absolute independence or contribute equally in every area, great relationships involve people that aspire to be self-reliant in most areas, as well as to think autonomously. Nurturing individual work, passions, and relationships with friends and family vitalizes the soul and prevents a person from becoming overly needy and dependent on a loved one.
4. Kindness — Be Caring
Independence does not preclude kindness, generosity, or caring. In fact, it allows one to give out of a sense of fullness rather than a sense of need.
Living a self-absorbed life leads to a hollow and desolate heart.
The joy of being considerate, giving, and supportive to our loved ones is one of the greatest pleasures in life. Making someone you love happy or simply making his or her life a bit easier often provides the greatest joy of being in a relationship.
5. Shared Enjoyment — Have Fun Together
A relationship based solely on daily practicalities and responsibilities loses passion over time.
Fun, romance, and adventure keep the relationship vitally alive. Daily appreciation, laughter, and conversation foster a healthy, happy, passionate relationship.
Balance — Strive for All Five
Most of us tend to emphasize two or three of the essential elements of a fulfilling relationship but lose sight of the importance of others. Balancing all five elements — respect, self-respect, self-reliance, kindness, and shared enjoyment — is critical for sustaining a fulfilling, long-term passionate relationship.
Relationships are full of ups and downs and are never in perfect balance. We have to continuously strive to adjust the balance.
Unfortunately, it is not all up to one person. It takes two to tango, but only one to get out of step. Yet, balancing these five vital elements in all of our relationships makes our lives and relationships more fulfilling and robust.
Relationships are like a dance
It’s as much about your patience, kindness, confidence,
and sense of rhythm as it is about your partner.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD
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the reason your irhateonslips dont last is not your fault ill tell you why. men have to feel a physical attraction as well as an emotion connection with a woman. a man can walk up to any woman and feel a physical connection i.e sexual chemistry. but if he has no emotional connection it will never work. men are extremely confusing creatures i swear but they are generally looking for a lifetime mate someone who is physically and emotianially healthy, someone who can give him healthy children and be stable enough to raise them. i could go on and on. but i basically outlined why its not u its him the sayin is true. we as women can try and try to impress but he wants what he wants. and for god sake dont ever let ur self esteem drop, keep a smile on ur face. confidence and a smile gets u noticed.
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I have a high suspicion that I’ve been married to a narcissist for 16 years. I’m currently educating myself on what makes a narcissist a narcissist & how they think. Everything I read it’s as if their describing my husband to a t. That’s where I came across ur site & I just want to thank u for putting the information out here for all of us to read. I know I have learned a great deal from your blog.
Again Thanks
Debra
Thank you. I appreciate it. Knowledge is power, but I’m so sorry for the suffering I’m sure you’ve gone through in being married to a narcissist. Good luck. Take care of yourself, as you are probably the only one who can do so.