"Jungle Noises" by Mimi Stuart Live the Life you Desire
Catastrophizing can lead to a very fearful, and even depressed state of mind. When any small mishap leads you to imagine a downward spiral of horrible consequences, you are likely to become overwhelmed, panicked, or despondent. And that despondence might become a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Extreme self-criticism and pessimism that can cause catastrophizing often lead to depression and the deterioration of relationships.
Yet, the alternative is not a naïvite that ignores the challenges of your reality. It is important to be aware of potential dangers to be able to be prepared for the real world.
We should strive for a balance between fear and hope. That is an informed awareness.
Remember that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes and will fail at one time or another. The best thing is to learn from your mistakes, while maintaining your dignity and having faith in yourself.
"On Fire" Steve Mahre by Mimi Stuart Live the Life you Desire
Seth Stisher, Pro Slalom Skier & Coach:
Don’t just be competitive on “Game Day.” I hear parents always touting that their child is very competitive. Oftentimes I see these same kids getting frustrated because they can’t accomplish something in a performance-day setting without ever realizing that they didn’t do what it takes in practice to accomplish their objectives.
IF you or your child/student are sore losers on game day, oftentimes that is because you only want it bad enough on Game Day. “Want it” everyday and one day you will begin to have more success.
Alison:
Focus on the moment instead of thinking about the result you want or worrying about failure. Focusing on the present moment during every practice trains the brain to focus in the moment at a competition.
Yet, some people who are generally consistent with their performance have problems during competition because of their emotions and nerves. It helps to conjure up nerves during practice by imagining that you’re in competition. It also helps to use imagery to see yourself performing well under pressure.
Mix it up in training to conjure up some excitement and nerves. For example, in water skiing, go to different lakes, ski in different conditions, or have different people in the boat to get you used to the anxiety of skiing under different circumstances. However, there is nothing that beats getting used to the pressure by competing in a lot of tournaments.
"Emerald Paula" by Mimi Stuart Live the Life you Desire
Seth Stisher, Pro Slalom Skier & Coach:
When speaking of water skiing specifically, I always urge skiers to “Think on the dock” when working in a teaching/coaching/learning environment. But of course rehearse enough prior to game-day to be able to get on the water and execute by FEEL.
Mental rehearsal is one of the most flawless forms of practice because you have more control over your performance. Don’t overlook the value of perfect execution through mental rehearsal.
Alison:
Observe other athletes whom you would like to emulate as much as possible. Visualize and imagine yourself doing the moves.
Get a lot of good coaching. Understanding your sport well will help you get out of a slump more quickly and enable you to self-correct during training.
Focus on the moment and learn coping skills to deal with distractions during your practice. Water ski world record holder Chris Parish’s dad would shoot paintballs at him during practice while Slalom Champion Jamie Beauchesne’s dad would drive the boat around to make the water rough for practice. Both Chris and Jamie learned to deal with distractions.
Finally, it always helps to be grateful for the chance to practice the sport, especially if no one’s shooting paintballs at you.
"Collecting Moonbeams" by Mimi Stuart Live the Live Desire
Sixty Minutes recently did a story on people with “autobiographical memory”—those who can remember almost every day of their lives, such as what they had for lunch on April 7th, 1982. Each memory is as vivid as if the event occurred yesterday. For people with such an extraordinary memory, “The past is never dead, it is not even past.”
~William Faulkner
Avoiding remorse
What struck me most was one woman’s comment that this ability motivated her to live every day of her life in such a way that she could live with her memories—memories presumably about the way she treated people and the choices she made. The fact that very little would be forgotten meant that she wanted to minimize regrets and remorse, which would always stay with her.
Is it true that the person with a clear conscience has a poor memory? I don’t think so. Memory seems to have little to do with how a person treats others. With or without a good memory, a person either has or lacks compassion for others. With or without a good memory, a person can benefit from living every day so as to avoid regret and remorse. Directing our focus
Diane Sawyers asked these gifted people whether it was hard to have relationships with others, as their relatives found it difficult to ever win an argument about facts with them. They didn’t think so. They did stop arguing over facts though. A lesson for everyone might be to stop arguing over facts and get to the underlying reason for the argument.
How about the rest of us, many of whom can’t remember much more than the highlights and the low points of our lives? Is it a blessing to be able to forget?
It depends. As Joyce Appleby put it, “Our sense of worth, of well-being, even our sanity depends upon our remembering. But, alas, our sense of worth, our well-being, our sanity also depend upon our forgetting.”
Rather than clinging to our memories or trying to forget, we can improve life and relationships by directing our focus. By learning from our past experiences, we can concentrate on the positive within ourselves and others. Whether we remember all the detail of our lives or only the drama, it’s up to us to decide what to focus on.
"Voice of Gold" Frederica Von Stade by Mimi Stuart Live the you Desire
When you find yourself insisting on proving that you’re right, it’s time to look at your underlying intent. We often assume that being right will lead to being respected, liked, appreciated, or admired. However, generally the harder a person tries to prove being right, the harder it is for that person to gain respect or appreciation.
Here are a few reasons that could be causing this ironic disconnect:
1. Adamant persistence reveals underlying feelings of inadequacy, which does not inspire respect or admiration.
2. In trying to be right, we disregard other people’s ideas, causing them to feel overlooked.
3. Most importantly, being right generally comes with a condescending tone of voice that turns people off whether the person is right or not.
A superior tone of voice can trigger a defensive reaction in others, even when what’s being said is totally logical and nonthreatening. If you’ve ever found yourself arguing over something ridiculous, you may be reacting to a patronizing tone of voice rather than flawed logic.
One way to encourage others to consider your opinion is to use a friendly or neutral tone of voice. You’ll feel more relaxed and others will feel more open-minded and amenable. You can say, “Your idea won’t work” with a kind tone of voice, and have a better response than if you say, “Your idea is the best idea in the world,” with a superior sounding voice.
If pretending is what it takes to change your attitude and use a respectful tone of voice, it’s probably worth it. Remember that discussions that aren’t focused on one person being right are usually more stimulating and productive, and lead to healthier and happier relationships.
