Getting off the phone:
“I can never get off the phone with certain people who seem to talk forever.”

"Over the Top" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

It can be hard to get off the phone with big talkers because you don’t want to hurt their feelings and you don’t want to interrupt. While you don’t have to hurt their feelings, you might have to interrupt. If you’re not using caller ID and you get hooked in, simply break into the conversation and say, “Let’s talk when I’m off work.” Or, “Can we talk on Tuesday?” Or, “I’d love to talk to you after finishing this project/feeding the kids/tomorrow/OR…maybe in three years.”

When you’re able to get off the phone quickly, easily and politely, then you won’t dread it when you hear the phone ring. If some people still don’t understand that you have different priorities and that your time is valuable, then you can’t worry too much about possibly offending them. They need to get the message that you are not available for ongoing venting and chit chat.

If you get hooked in on a repeated basis, you’re sending the message that you are available as an auditory receptacle. Simply interject, “I’m sorry, but I’ve got a lot of work to do. Take care. Have a great day.” CLICK.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Setting Boundaries.”

“Why didn’t you call me? I’ve been waiting to see if we’re getting together tonight.”

"Vibrancy" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

If you have definite plans, call the person to verify the time. Or if you want to make plans, call, be cool, be positive.

But if you are simply hoping that a guy or girl likes you and will follow through with a promise, then keep wondering, and in the mean time, live your life. Don’t wait for the phone call. Don’t check your text messages too often. Keep your own life engaged. You’re only as interesting as the depths of your own interests. Pursue your passions, work, and keep meeting people. Enjoy your friends; enjoy your solitude. Vibrancy is more attractive than desperation.

And definitely don’t call to complain!

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Pursuit and Distancing; Intimacy vs. Needing Space.”

“I never get to go skiing anymore. My partner doesn’t like to ski.”

"Phil Mahre" by Mimi StuartLive the Life you Desire

Saying “I don’t get to” implies a lack of power and control over your own life—needing to ask for permission. It’s important in relationship that both partners continue doing the things they are passionate about. If you love skiing, make sure you get out there and go skiing and encourage your partner to do what he or she loves to do. People who pursue their passions have a vitality that is irresistible and brings magic into their relationships.

Partners don’t have to do everything together. In fact a little space can be healthy. Tell your partner how happy it makes you to go skiing. If he or she is not interested, you can go on your own to enjoy some fresh powder, groomers, or bumps.

By feeding your soul, you become more interesting and enjoyable to be around. Even if you spend a little less time with your partner, when you’re with him or her, you’ll feel more alive and have something of interest to share.

by Alison Poulsen

Watch “Pursuing your Passions in Relationship.”