“Would you join me on a walk? It’s beautiful out.”
Enticement works better than complaining.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD Psychology
“You’re always watching TV!” So…what I REALLY meant is…
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Category Archives: Quick Thoughts
Turning a Complaint into Enticement
“We never go dancing or do anything fun anymore!”
“Dazzle” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire
So what I really meant was…
“Let’s go dancing!”
Exaggeration and blame make a person feel defensive instead of accommodating. Self-pity is unattractive—definitely not a seductive way to get someone to want to go dancing with you!
When people show confidence and excitement, they have a lot more magnetism than when they complain. Expressing desire is more effective than expressing discontent. So communicate in a positive, irresistible way:
“I’d love it if you came dancing with me tonight/next week/every Saturday!”
If the answer is “no,” find someone else to go dancing with, go on your own, or find something you both want to do together—but express yourself in a positive way, remembering that the goal is to enjoy your time together.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD
“If ONLY I found the right person to love, then I would be happy.”
“Light” by Mimi Stuart©
Live the Life you Desire
While I am all for the right person, happiness, and love, it’s more likely that you will experience all three if you live your life knowing that No one can fulfill your unfulfilled deepest needs and desires but you. If you are generally unhappy, no one can or will make you happy.
You may imagine that a particular person’s love and care will make you feel whole. But eventually such burdensome dependency on someone else for your feeling of wholeness will lead to disappointment and resentment.
When you fulfill your deepest needs and desires the best you can and engage the world from a sense of wholeness (not that anyone is perfectly whole) rather than from a sense of emptiness and need, then you are more likely to dance in and out of the realm of happiness and fulfillment.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD