Sometimes we impulsively focus on the negative, perpetuating our view of ourselves as victims lacking influence over our own life and attitude.
Sometimes we rush through life without any awareness of how those around us and we ourselves are feeling. In other words, we lack connection with the world and ourselves.
It’s important to ask yourself how you want to experience the journey through life. By keeping in mind how you really want to live your life, you are more likely to live the life you desire, whether that means being happy, reaching your full potential, having meaningful relationships, or all of the above.
Living a more fulfilling life is possible when we become self-aware and understand the dynamics of life’s subtleties.
Ask yourself what you would like more of in your life?
Enjoyment with friends. Confidence—abilities and skills. A better job. Time with family. Solitude. Time outside to exercise and enjoy the out-of-doors. Respect from those around you. Better health. More fun. More financial security. Serenity.
There is a time for solitude and a time for pursuing financial security. Much suffering comes from neglecting specific spheres in our life. The man who only wants to have fun and enjoy friends may end up alienating friends when he banks on their generosity for too long. The woman who is exclusively compelled to drive forward her career may find herself estranged from family and friends.
As we approach different stages in our life, we may be able to adjust our lives to achieve greater balance and with it a more fulfilling life. Living a meaningful, fulfilling life involves being mindful of the world around us as well as keeping aware of our own inner experience as we pass through the different phases of our life.
When you’re unhappy, you tend to target those closest to you. When you feel depressed and anxious, it’s easy to conclude that your marriage (or work or the place you live) is undesirable and a failure. The assumption is that “If I were happy in my marriage, I wouldn’t feel so miserable.”
A vicious cycle commences, as unhappiness is terribly contagious. You blame those closest to you for your unhappiness, which causes them to feel defensive. Defensiveness furthers mistrust and misery, making it more difficult to feel loving and happy.
Before wrecking your relationships by blaming those around you, it’s wise to remember that your emotions fluctuate, and are dependent on a large number of factors having nothing to do with your partner. Simply changing your spouse rarely leads to long-term happiness. Moreover, a downcast emotional state rarely motivates a person to make the right changes required for happiness.
What’s needed for improving your happiness is a multifaceted, holistic approach. Research shows that the following key factors are involved in being happy:
1. Eating healthy foods provides the needed vitamins that affect brain chemicals and vitality; those include all the essential amino acids as well as vitamin D, which you can get from sunshine, food, or vitamins. Avoiding excessive sugar, fats, junk, nicotine, and alcohol can have a dramatic effect on happiness levels. People eating high-fat and sugary foods have been shown to be 58 percent more likely to suffer from depression than those who eat a healthy, balanced diet.
2. Exercising frequently increases serotonin, which, at too low a level, has been associated with depression and anxiety. Among other benefits, exercise is key to overcoming a lack of seratonin.
3. Activating positive behavior is one of the principal therapies used for depression. It means putting yourself out there to do the things that are enjoyable for you, even if you don’t feel like it, as well as being optimistic and smiling at others, which is proven to affect one’s state of mind.
4. Seeking inner peace either through meditation, spirituality, or other calming practices has a great affect on one’s happiness.
5. Cultivating good relationships with your partner, family, friends, and community (or having a pet) contributes tremendously to your happiness. Accepting others and feeling accepted, as well as being respectful and loving, are the best ways to enhance your connection with others.
6. Pursuing your passions, whether creative, spiritual, or athletic endeavors, enhances joy and vitality.
7. Meaningful work, particularly contributing to others, if you have time, has been shown to be one of the most life-enhancing activities. There’s nothing like helping a wounded warrior who has lost a limb to practice a new sport for finding connection and joy and forgetting about your own malaise in life.
8. Eliminating negative emotions and thoughts is critical to experiencing purposeful happiness. Once you start implementing the above seven factors toward happiness, it will be easier to eliminate negative emotions such as anger, resentment, and blame. You will also have less time for negative thinking such as perfectionism, black-and-white thinking, and projection – “I’m unhappy, therefore my marriage is terrible.”
In this fast-paced world of impulsive decision-making, many people wreck relationships before working on the multifaceted essentials to meaningful personal happiness.
Of course there are situations when a relationship is in serious trouble, e.g., having a partner who shows no interest in making the relationship work. However, for your own peace of mind, it’s worth the effort to incorporate the many various keys to happiness in your daily life first before making life-changing decisions. You may tap the well to happiness, and thereby change the dynamic of your marriage, because happiness turns out to be contagious too.
Where’s the enjoyment when we swing between gluttony and self-denial?
Self-Discipline or Self-Denial?
Self-discipline and controlling your impulses are two of the keys to a balanced and happy life. Yet, self-deprivation can cause undue suffering and a grim existence.
Excessive abstinence can also lead to a rebound effect. Strong desires can be suppressed for only so long, and then their overpowering force can cause you to succumb. Remember the movie “Chocolat!” and the priest who passed out from over-indulgence in the chocolate store after forbidding everyone to put a foot into the store? Enjoyment or Gluttony?
Pleasure and enjoyment of the senses, such as eating and drinking, are the spice of life. Yet, the attempt to have escalating amounts of gratification by increasing your consumption can cause discomfort, displeasure, and dire consequences to your health. Gluttony can also lead to self-loathing, anxiety, and insatiable craving.
Moderation
Pleasure and enjoyment live in a narrow zone of moderation, though we should also take heed of Julia Child’s notion: “Everything in moderation… including moderation.” Note that for people dealing with alcoholism and drug abuse, abstinence does give the best chance of avoiding further harm. For most people, however, mindful indulgence eliminates the need to make an unpleasant vow of abstinence OR to give in to every temptation.
Mindful Indulgence
Mindful indulgence is an effective way to reduce the unwholesome swing from gluttony and guilt to self-loathing and abstinence. Mindful enjoyment means being present, aware, and engaged.
For instance, eating mindfully entails that you eat slowly and consciously, enjoying the flavors as well as the company you are with. It means that in addition to enjoying the flavor, you take notice of the subtle changes in your body, such as feelings of satiation, well-being, or anxiety. Also important is to notice and remember how you feel hours later and the next day.
This kind of mindfulness and patience will allow you to maximize pleasure and enjoyment by honing your ability to gauge how much you will eat and drink. Mindfulness includes being aware of what kind of situations trigger you to lose awareness of your actions, sensations, and long-term pleasure. Regaining awareness will help you to avoid falling into auto-pilot and mindless consumption without appreciation, awareness, or true enjoyment.
One of the delights of life is eating with friends, second to that is talking about eating. And, for an unsurpassed double whammy, there is talking about eating while you are eating with friends.
It’s natural to compare ourselves to others — to see how we are doing and how we could do better. We can learn by observing — whether it’s a job, a sport, or how someone relates to others. Comparing ourselves to others can provide great constructive insight into how we can improve.
Yet, comparisons can be detrimental when we become jealous, that is, when we feel hostile toward others whom we perceive as being better, happier, or more successful. We harm ourselves in several ways.
1. We choose to feel miserable.
2. We show others that we feel inadequate and insecure.
3. We become unpleasant to be with.
4. We are less likely to learn how to improve.
5. We miss out on being inspired by others.
People who feel frequent pangs of jealousy tend to feel worthwhile or happy only when they stand out as being special or the best. Yet, self-worth and happiness do not come from being Number One, although they may result from being the best we can be, without regard to others.
People who are jealous of others’ happiness, accomplishments, or skills often lack a strong sense of self and of power over their lives. Rather than being energized, they merely resent the other person as a reminder of what they themselves seem to be lacking. They don’t feel they have control over improving their attitude, relationships, skills, and situations.
Yet, one way to improve your life is to appreciate other people’s high skill-level or happiness; you will actually feel more enjoyment and happiness yourself through such appreciation. Therefore, it’s better to be around people whose joy and talents inspire you rather than around those whose lack of passion leave you feeling better than, but also uninspired.
If the goal is to be happy or the best we can be, then it’s best to stop focusing resentfully on what others have and can do. We’re better off admiring and enjoying the blessings of others, and focusing with gratitude on what we have and what we want to accomplish. In fact, relishing others’ blessings with delight has an inspirational effect on the body and soul.
What is the Good Life? Is it freedom from want, or freedom to do as we please? Is it leisure, status or power? Or is it happiness, serenity, and contentment? Is it the same for all of us?
Let us begin our quest.
It begins by looking within ourselves; for a good life has many aspects, different for each of us. As we grow, change and mature, so, too, our ideal of a Good Life changes.
A Good Life can be an active life, filled with purpose and usefulness, with endeavors, challenges and friends, and with pride in one’s work, for even a small task is significant in the mosaic of the whole.
With pride in our effort comes confidence and self respect, vital ingredients in a Good Life. For as we esteem ourselves, so we grant respect, kindness and consideration to others.
Freedom from want is often praised as ensuring a Good Life. But does it? Some of us recall times of struggle as the best years of our life, times that challenged our courage and strength, our ingenuity, endurance and faith, when hardship and struggle were our taskmasters. Indeed, a Good Life is ethereal, unrelated to plenty or need, for its roots lie within us.
Moderation and curiosity are crucial in our world of excess: moderation in action and thought, and curiosity to explore our wondrous world teeming with beauty and mystery.
Our life may abound in belongings and luxuries, alluring tendrils which enslave us. Yet dangers lurk everywhere. Let us gratefully enjoy what we are given. Possessions are not essential, but joy and gratitude are.
Fear and worry have no place in a Good Life. Let courage crowd them out. Courage helps us face the world. Courage sets us free to take risks, free to assume responsibility, and free to admit our failings as part of being human. For no one is perfect.
Embrace life whole-heartedly, with all its ironies, ambiguities and contradictions.
Our world of diversity begs for Tolerance:
Tolerance to allow others to be who they are, and tolerance to let them become what they can be. Tolerance transcends the need for power over others. It is the path to untrammeled accord.
Above all there must be love and good will toward all creation, love toward Life itself.
Once the Good Life has been found, it must be won again daily, for life is in eternal flux.
Thus, in the search for the Good Life, keep two ingredients on hand: a flexible mind, ready to adapt to what today may bring, and a sense of humor willing to smile, even in the face of adversity.
