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Attacking someone is not a good way to motivate someone to help you. Instead, make a specific positive request, and show them that you’d appreciate the help.
Also when you look at your life, most of the moments of a given day could be viewed as ordinary moments of work and doing chores like cleaning, cooking, and raking the leaves. If you decide to make the most of those ordinary moments instead of dreading them and slogging through them, you will change your life. By bringing a positive attitude to work and chores, you will bring enjoyment and vitality to all those all the ordinary moments and to your relationships.
“I need to figure out how to take care of my back so that it heals. In the meantime, there are a lot of others things to enjoy and for which to be grateful.”
“What is the most important thing I need to do? I’ll start there.”
Life is too short to allow yourself to get overwhelmed with all the things you should do. Prioritize and do the best you can. If you go through your days in a state of panic, you won’t be very effective and you won’t appreciate being alive and having the capabilities you have been blessed with.
When you can strike a balance of living in the moment and moving forward with purpose, then you can enjoy the pursuit of your dreams and goals rather than being overwhelmed by them.
There may even be an upside to pressure. Leonard Bernstein points out, “To achieve great things, two things are needed: a plan and not quite enough time.”
Most coaches are more disappointed by people’s embarrassment and fear of failure than by their inability to perform well right away. Feelings of self-defeat and self-pity can be infectious. If you feel mortified, your body language will cause those around you to feel uncomfortable on your behalf. Feeling apologetic for your lack of prowess won’t help you improve and won’t make others feel comfortable with you.
By letting your fear of failure get the best of you, you also cheat yourself of the opportunity to try new things, improve, and have fun. If fear of appearing inept prevents you from trying new sports, getting the coaching you need, and being able to focus on improvement rather than on how you appear to others, you end up missing out on one of the great joys of life—enjoying sports.
Without accepting failure as part of the process, there can be no learning!
Objective analysis
The first step to being a coachable athlete is to discard self-defeating thoughts. Negative thoughts and emotions simply disrupt the clear thinking and body awareness you need to improve in any sport or activity. The best way to learn a sport is to objectively analyze both what you are doing well and what you need to do to improve. Think clearly about what needs to be done rather than judge how terrible you are.
Determination
You need to tenaciously practice those small changes to improve your performance. Don’t dwell on how long it takes to improve or on the fact that you may backslide from time to time. Remember Malcolm Gladwell’s findings that the key to excelling is to practice a specific task for 10,000 hours.
Focus
It is best to replace your embarrassment and shame with focus and determination. When you are truly focused, there is no room for feelings of self-consciousness or humiliation.
Some people are natural athletes. However, those who are not as athletic can also enjoy significant improvement if they persist in repeated and focused practice, particularly with the guidance of an observant, constructive coach.
I don’t care how challenging it is for some people to excel at a sport. If they persevere with focus and a good attitude, keeping a sense of perspective and humor, they will be able to enjoy great improvement and joy in some of life’s many opportunities.
Many people get a rush out of rushing and squeezing extra tasks into every minute of the hour. I personally have found myself feeling proud of all the things I can get done in a short amount of time.
However, when rushing becomes a habit rather than a skill left for the occasional emergency, your life suffers in several ways:
1. You cannot enjoy the mystery and depth of the moment.
2. Even if you enjoy the challenge of speed and action, you exude tension.
3. Other people feel your tension and don’t enjoy being with you. They might even feel as if they are an imposition on you.
4. Rushing causes you to make mistakes and forget things.
5. You don’t spend much “quality” time with others.
When you’re overly focused on a goal, you may forget the impact you have on others. For example, people often tail-gate while driving because they don’t allow enough time to get where they are going. They are too busy trying to squeeze in an extra task.
Worst of all, people become impatient and rude with those closest to them if they have too much on their mind.
So, take a step back, notice your tendency to fill every moment. Become aware of the anxiety caused by packing too much in.
There’s no need to swing to a life of meditation. Simply take a little more time to become “present” to yourself and those around you. Calming down your inner pusher will allow you to experience greater serenity, mystery, and depth in your life.
