Category Archives: Attitude

Forgiveness: “I can’t get past how she hurt me.”

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"Skyward" — Otto Lilienthal by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong.

~Mahatma Gandhi

Why is it that only the strong can forgive? Because it takes strength to go for what you want in life, and to face the occasional failure and rejection that come with it. It’s easier to have an excuse for not living your life to the fullest. Moreover, it’s hard to stop thinking about the unjust treatment you’ve received.

Forgiving does not mean you approve of the hurtful behavior you’ve received. It is crucial to learn to protect yourself from similar harm in the future. Yet, you can also choose to stop feeling angry toward those who caused you harm.

Ironically, holding onto anger, no matter how justified, keeps you in victim status to the perpetrator, and this constricts your heart, spirit, and mind.

Forgiveness is not an easy, normal human reaction. But once you decide to let go of the desire to get even with someone who has hurt you, you free your heart and mind to live more expansively.

Forgiveness does not change the past, but it does enlarge the future.

~Paul Boese

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Changing your victim story. “My dad was an alcoholic and my mom was never there for me.””

“I don’t have any natural talent.”

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"Perseverence" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

So what I really meant was…

“I can become the best I can be by consistent hard work.”

The great basketball coach John Wooden said, “Many athletes have tremendous God-given gifts, but they don’t focus on the development of those gifts. Who are these individuals? You’ve never heard of them–and you never will.”

Curiosity, persistence, and hard work make the difference. The discipline to work tenaciously with focused attention amount to much more over the long-run than natural talent.

I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious.

~Albert Einstein

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “I’m terrible at this sport. I can never get it right.”

Aging Gracefully: “I can’t do what I used to do. I hate getting old.”

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"Roswitha McIntosh" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

My mother Ros turns 80 years old today, showing everyone around her how kindness, a passion for life and a can-do attitude create a beauty that isn’t found in most 30-year olds.

Her ability to look for the positive and the possible is what keeps her happy, energetic and a joy to be around. People who engaged in life and in the people around them generally age well despite the inevitable changes as we grow older.

When my mother’s new hip kept her on crutches off and on for five years, she would still walk on the beach daily. Even on crutches, she asked what she could do for others, rather than what they could do for her. The moment her hip finally healed, she was back to ballroom dancing and skiing.

A shoulder injury caused her to start playing ping pong with her non-dominant hand. She viewed it as a challenge and she has become quite difficult to beat!

She challenges her mind in many ways, including playing the piano and translating her third book into German — the language of a country she hasn’t lived in for over half a century. She gathers together eclectic friends, new and old at her table for lively discussion and a delicious meal. You may find her on a ladder painting my sister’s fence, or energetically helping her association gardeners with weeding and planting.

With such enthusiasm and industriousness, her life seems, and I believe, is better than ever. Moreover, given her kind and intelligent face, her beauty radiates through her fine lines of wisdom.

Success is peace of mind that is a direct result of self-satisfaction in knowing that you did your best to become the best you are capable of becoming.

~Coach John Wooden

I feel like an 18 year old. I just can’t catch her.

~George Burns

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Do good looks matter?”

Valor: “The firefighters of 9/11 were real heroes. What can I ever do that compares to that?”

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"Stars of Valor" by Mimi Stuart after Thomas Franklin
Live the Life you Desire

So what I really meant was…

“What an inspiration they are to have risked their lives for others!

“What can I do? …

“Every day, I have the opportunity to make decisions — big and small — to be the best person I can be. You never know which decisions might have a powerful impact on other people’s lives.”

Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.

~Winston Churchill

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “Fear: I hate feeling so much fear. How can I get rid of it?”

Blamed for being Attractive:
“My husband accuses me of being flirtatious, which I’m not. People are just drawn to me.”

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"Effervescence" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire

There’s a big difference between provocatively flirting with others and simply being an outgoing, attractive person. People with self-respect who are engaged in the world with a positive outlook tend to have a certain magnetism that is appealing to others.

People cannot expect their partners to go out in the world with a stern or repressed demeanor and come home with life-enhancing energy — that would be unfortunate for everyone.

If you simply exude a healthy vitality and are not purposely trying to get sexual attention, then your husband may be missing out on enjoying your energetic essence.

By accusing you of being flirtatious, he is unconsciously trying to shame you into hiding the part of yourself that is animated and engaging. Keep in mind he may be doing this as he fears losing you. The unfortunate result is that he will push you away and cause you to hide the more vibrant part of yourself from HIM.

Thus, it’s vital that he show his appreciation for the part of you that captivates people. You could remind him that he’s the one you are faithful to (assuming it’s true, of course), and that he should not expect you to constrict yourself around others in your sphere. Remind him that you are not interested in starting up inappropriate relationships and that you know your boundaries.

Ask him not to diminish himself by blaming you for your charismatic life force. Instead, if he learns to overcome his insecurity, he’ll appear more attractive and confident in himself. By valuing what attracted him to you in the first place, rather than trying to squelch your spark, he would enhance the magic between you.

by Alison Poulsen, PhD

Read “How can you be so jealous? You’re being ridiculous.”