A negative person who complains or vents a lot can drain the life out of you. Life is short. Often, it’s best to simply detach and enjoy more interesting people or other pursuits.
Sometimes, however, you may want, or need, to have that person in your life because they are family or a co-worker. In those cases, you can’t control the other person, but you can control how you respond to them.
“Ritornello” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire
Some couples deal with their own chronic anxiety by focusing on one of their children. The family projection process, as Psychologist Murray Bowen called it, develops unintentionally.
A couple concentrates their attention on a child with a learning disability, asthma, or any disability—real or perceived. By focusing on the child, they neglect something else in their life, such as facing their own wounds or marital problems. Over time the child senses how important it is to accept and even foster this attention, to avoid the alternative, as for example, the underlying tension of an increasingly-afflicted marriage.
“I’ll Give You the Moon and the Stars” by Mimi Stuart ©
Live the Life you Desire
Sustaining a fulfilling, long-term relationship is tricky because it requires several essential qualities that may seem contradictory. Most problems in relationships occur because one of these crucial elements is missing or they are out of balance. All five of the following elements are critical in all fulfilling relationships, and particularly in long-term passionate, love relationships.
“Free” by Mimi Stuart ©
We are often weighed down by the things we accumulate – gifts, mementos, and even furniture gifted to us by loved ones and relatives. We feel that throwing out or giving things to the Good Will would be an offense to the memory of our parents, grandparents, friends, and children.
To sustain a long-term passionate relationship, a couple needs to balance two primary drives—the desire for togetherness and the desire for autonomy. While everyone has a different ideal balance point, it’s clear that the extremes of too much togetherness or too much independence can each generate their own problems.
You might be able to get your partner to stop pursuing their passion of choice, but first ask yourself the following questions: