Lyle Lovett detail Flyswatter & IceWater by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire
So what I really meant was…
“I don’t want to receive any more marketing calls. Please take me off your company’s list. Have a good evening!” Click.
Firmly request to be taken off the marketing list, but remember telemarketers are just people doing their job, and it’s not a pleasant one.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD
Read “I can never get off the phone with certain people who seem to talk forever.”
"Threshold to the Future" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire
Judgment and attacks rarely help people improve their attitude. It’s human nature to stop listening when being criticized (teens in particular). Discussing cause and effect is more compelling than fear-mongering.
You might capture their attention by starting out with your positive motivation. Then you’ll be more effective by explaining how an attitude of entitlement hurts a person in life.
For instance, “I care about your future happiness and self-empowerment. My concern is that you will suffer a lot of disappointment if you appear entitled by not contributing to those around you. People respect those who make an effort to show initiative and appreciation for others’ efforts. A willingness to participate fosters good working relationships in life and leads to personal power.”
When others sense that your concern is for their welfare AND that you are not attacking or trying to control them, they are more likely to listen and take your message to heart.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD
Read “I’ve told you kids a thousand times to say ‘Thank you#!*%*!!'”
"Camminando" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire
Yelling and anger have their place if you want to get someone’s attention in an emergency, a crisis, or for self-defense. Yet, it turns out that the more dramatic the anger and threats of punishment are, the more likely that they will backfire in the long-run.
Stunning research shows that in the short-term, anger and threats work just as effectively as calm requests to get children to refrain from certain undesirable behavior. HOWEVER, in the long-term, studies show that 77% of the kids who were given angry threats would go on to engage in the forbidden behavior, whereas just a a third of the kids who were calmly asked to refrain from the behavior would try the behavior later.
The strong emotions connected with a threat decrease a person’s ability to think clearly. Neurologists think that when the adult makes powerful threats, the child unconsciously concludes, “If someone is using all that effort to stop me from doing that, it must really be something I really want to do.” The heated threat actually creates in the child a strong desire to do the very thing you find undesirable.
So it is better to ask the child in a calm and reasonable manner not to do something. If they ask “Why not?” it’s best to ask them to work out possible reasons. You are likely to get a much better long term response.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD
Reference: Richard Wiseman, Author of “59 Seconds: Think a little, Change a lot.”
"Liberty" by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire
The very fact that we spend time thinking about happiness is one good reason to be happy. In order to have the option to pursue happiness, there has to be freedom from oppression as well as equality of individuals before the law.
One of the most powerful statements in United State’s founding documents shows the connection between equality and the pursuit of happiness:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.”
~The Declaration of Independence
Sadly, in too many countries people do not have the luxury of discussing happiness or love because the political environment does not allow the freedom needed to make meaningful choices. Poverty combined with totalitarian regimes oppress people to the point where mere survival is all that they can really think about.
We who live in countries that aspire to freedom and equality before the law are very fortunate in being able to have some ability to follow our own path to a happy and meaningful life.
Even if we don’t know what will make us happy, we can be grateful that we have enough security in our lives to consider what might make us happy.
by Alison Poulsen, PhD
Read “Life-shifting with Dr. Hull: Don’t you think I should be happy?”
"Contemplation" Sergio Garcia by Mimi Stuart
Live the Life you Desire
So what I really meant was…
“I can’t change the past, but I can control my attitude and learn from my mistakes.”
by Alison Poulsen, PhD