"Course Correction" Paula Creamer by Mimi Stuart Live the Life you Desire
If a friend wants to bring someone to your party that you don’t care for, you don’t have to say “yes.” If you are going to feel resentful about having that person at your house, that’s a sign that you should say “no.”
There’s no reason to be negative and judgmental though. That would simply put your friend on the defensive.
Keep it positive and limit yourself to “I” statements: “I just want to have close friends at my party. I’d really like you to come, but I’m not that close to John. Sorry to disappoint you.” Or, “There are a lot of people coming already. I’d rather not invite anyone else. Sorry. But I hope YOU can make it.”
"One Enchanted Evening" by Mimi Stuart Live the Life you Desire
If you feel embarrassed about your financial difficulties, other people are more likely to feel embarrassed for you as well.
However, there’s nothing to feel awkward about. In this rough economy many people are in a similar situation. Remember, it used to be considered a virtue to have good judgment and to refrain from incurring unnecessary expenses. Now again, it’s becoming embarrassing to flaunt one’s money or to have a lot when others don’t.
See the movie “The Company Men” (or rent it when it comes out) and notice the attitude of Ben Affleck’s wife as she deals with their financial challenges. She employs common sense and a positive attitude, but does not hide behind false pride or shame. Pretense that “everything’s great” when it’s not and shame are what prevent real intimacy between friends.
Adopt a neutral demeanor, and simply say, “I’d love to get together. But right now, I need to be cautious with my finances. Let’s have dinner at my house. Or let’s go for a hike.”
We can have the most enjoyable times together without spending money. It’s the laughter, conversation, and sense of adventure that inspire the greatest moments with our friends.
Look at it as an opportunity to ignite ideas for some special times together that make eating out seem, well, pedestrian!
"Sacred" Einstein by Mimi Stuart Live the Life you Desire
It’s fine to express your pride in your kids with your family and close friends. But telling other people about their many successes can be annoying, uninteresting, or cause others to doubt their own parenting skills.
We’re all happy when our children succeed, but too much emphasis on their successes could indicate that our own identity is tied too closely to their achievements. That’s not to say that their achievements shouldn’t be enjoyed, but beware of seeking confirmation for your own value through being the parent of a “successful” kid.
Also beware of letting your children hear you bragging about them too much. Sometimes we think accolades will boost a child’s self-esteem. But excessive praise sends the message that the child’s accomplishments are all that matter.
Too much emphasis on achievement can have the effect of minimizing other worthy qualities, such as kindness, effort, and a sense of humor. It may be preferable to recognize a child’s effort and compassion rather than praising results only.
Often it is better to relate to our children without constantly judging them, either positively or negatively.
Rather than comparing our children to Einstein, both parents and children can be inspired by Einstein’s wise words: “The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of [other] living things nobler and more beautiful.”
No. Sorry to say, someone who repeatedly cheats on his or her partner is unlikely to stop.
Repeated cheating often involves a ravenous craving for both psychological validation and the dopamine high that are briefly produced in the affair. Having multiple liaisons allows a person to escape his anxieties, feel pleasure, and feel validated by being desired.
A vicious cycle of release, shame, and desire to fend off unwanted emotions by seeking release has probably been wired into his brain—it has become an addiction.
If his behavior is that of a sex addict, it has probably caused his self-esteem and average dopamine levels to be lowered. This will likely drive him to an even more desperate pursuit of the temporary high that affairs provide.
Novelty heightens the senses and intensifies passion. For someone who has affairs, the novelty lies in being with a new person.
Novelty with the same partner means having the courage to bring new meaning and depth to that relationship—to let oneself be known on a deeper level, to bring freshness to the relationship. To do these things, one must risk rejection.
It takes courage and a sense of adventure to go beyond the routine of a committed relationship, and bring the BEST of oneself to the same partner. It would be far more challenging, and ultimately rewarding, for your partner to face his fears and risk invalidation with someone who really knows him—you, OR at least to approach you honestly in discussing the troubles in your relationship.
As for any addict, it takes a great deal of motivation and courage to learn to resist seeking the quick high that the addict has found so compelling. To rewire a neurological highway requires tremendous determination to be willing to face emotional anxieties and resist physical cravings, and will likely require getting counseling and/or going to Sex Addicts Anonymous.
Hold on. Instead of making your first date an interview to find the perfect mate, take your time, enjoy the moment, and see how you like each other first.
Putting all your hope in the future with any person, let alone someone you hardly know, scares people away. Excessive zeal for marriage comes across as desperation or being uncomfortable in your own skin.
You might look within yourself and ask what you are hoping to attain through marriage before committing yourself to a man you hardly know.
If you go into a relationship with specific goals that involve status (getting married, having children…), your expectations of fulfillment are likely to be disappointed.
Specific expectations invite disappointment. Have fun,enjoy the moment, and see where it takes you.
